Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers

Male
Introduction
The basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down, stop, or change
what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes inevitable. The best way to accomplish
this is for the man to give a signal just before this point is reached. Verbal cues, raising a
hand, pulling away slightly, or even subtle body language cues can all work well. This
repeated "peaking" process can sometimes help men learn to have multiple orgasms
without ejaculating, and can also be practiced during solo masturbation. Although delaying
ejaculation during the course of the massage is desirable from the perspective of
maximizing pleasure, many partners do like to finish the massage with one. Ejaculation
provides a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave men too fatigued to enjoy the
rest of the evening or do a good job massaging their partner; opposite-sex partners who
like to finish male genital massage with ejaculation should have the woman receive her
massage first.

It's also fun to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal
fantasy based on your partner's desires). Letting your partner know verbally and non-verbally
that you're actively enjoying his pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac.

As an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital massage is that an erection
is not required for it to feel good; some massage strokes actually feel BETTER when the
penis is soft.

Suggested Genital Massage Strokes

There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals. Unless he indicates
otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and consistent stroking will feel best. I'm going
to present a few favorite strokes below, but you can make up your own, refer to Appendix A,
or examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More about Massage" section to learn
dozens of additional strokes. One approach that some people favor is selecting two favorite
strokes, and for a period of time alternating between them every once in a while.

"Healing Stroke" - With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one hand. The heel
of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the penis all the way to the
tip. (Body Electric School handout)

"Anvil Stroke" - Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to
the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring your other hand to the top
of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating an alternating motion. (internet Alt.Sex FAQ)

"Climbing the Mountain" - Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously caress it for
about ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous caressing
for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two
quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue
until ejaculation approaches inevitability. (SM 101, 2nd Ed.)
Cocooning

It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you do, then pleasuring can
continue all the way through ejaculation and until your partner asks you to stop. At the end
of the massage (whether or not there is an ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be
folded up over the person on the table to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time of
profound peace and contentment together.

Female

Introduction
Female sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual response, in
the following ways:

1.Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and feelings of
warmth towards her partner.
2.Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot stimulation
and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize the clitoral orgasms as
"sharper" and the G-Spot orgasms as "deeper".
3.Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they like, and
how they like it done.
4.Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer and be more
intense than that which men commonly experience.
5.Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues following the
first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).

It's because of #5 that the basic approach to erotic massage differs between women
and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all the way through one
orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need for them to hold back in any way.
Having orgasms in a series can cause arousal levels to float for a long time at a very
high level.
V Suggested Types of Stimulation

Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you need to
be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to begin with gentle
rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with
G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation. Please be aware that neither
clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a
woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on
women one often has a "free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her body,
tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form "connections" with other
parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time as you
are pleasuring her genitals), etc.

Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most commonly
favored among women, there are many more. Refer to Appendix B or examine the
resources in this guide's "Learning More" section for more ideas.

"Clitoral" - When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her. Going in
circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed,
at least until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover something that obviously
feels better. Once you find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key
to further pleasure. Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are
pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to
accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn't feel good to someone who
isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she would want you to start right out with.

"G-Spot" - The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic
bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've found her G-Spot,
and it often feels more "ridged" than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be
intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female
ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT
urine, but IS expelled through the urethra. One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot
is with your (lubricated) first and second fingers together (possibly starting with just
your first finger). Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina

that look like the signal to "come here". Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular
fashion. Generally, it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot. Another
approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure against all
areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a woman's arousal level
increases. You'll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme
arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little farther from center in
order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal walls. G-spot stimulation usually only
feels good when the woman is aroused.

"Vibrator" - Vibrators generally work best on or near the clitoris. If the vibration is too
intense, switch to a lower speed or put a cloth between the vibrator and her clitoris. It's V OK to let your partner hold the vibrator. It's also fun for a vibrator to be used clitorally at
the same time vaginal penetration is being performed. The most versatile vibrators are
the standard plug-in models such as the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Wahl. Sex supply
shops such as Good Vibrations and Toys in Babeland sell these vibrators, along with
various attachments for specific kinds of stimulation.

"Verbal and Non-Verbal Encouragement" - It's helpful to encourage your partner with
hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires).
Sexy complements, eye contact, etc. are also nice additions. Many sexual difficulties
(especially for women, it seems) stem from worries: worrying that her partner is getting
tired of pleasuring her, that she isn't coming fast enough, etc. Letting your receiving
partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying giving her
pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac for her.

Cocooning

It's nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when you two are
finished. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.

Variations and Enhancements

Conscious Breathing
Regular, conscious breathing is a powerful way to enhance both relaxation massage
and erotic massage. If the receiving partner forgets to breathe, the massaging partner
can remind him or her by breathing rhythmically and audibly. Some partners find
that synchronizing the breathing between the two of them leads to wonderful
sensations. Just don't hyperventilate...

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