Erotic Massage

The General Approach this Guide Takes
This guide teaches how to give and receive erotic massage. It discusses how to help
your partner relax, and discusses how to help your partner experience extended
or multiple orgasms as part of your massage. A common arrangement is for one
partner to receive a massage first, and then to return the favor, but of course how
you choose to arrange this is up to you and your partner.

It's best to perform erotic massage while your partner is lying on a massage table of
some kind. After preparing your space to be warm and pleasing, you can start with
a sensual and relaxing general massage before shifting the focus to your partner's
sex centers. The idea is to bring your partner to high levels of arousal, and keep
him or her there for a while. For men, this is best done through verbal or non-verbal
communication which allows stimulation to be slowed down, changed, or stopped
before ejaculation becomes inevitable (stimulation then continues in a few moments,
after the urgency fades). For women, this is best done by using G-Spot and/or clitoral
massage to bring her to multiple orgasms, which naturally tend to take place over an
extended period of time.

Erotic massage can work equally well for same-sex as for opposite-sex partners.
Additionally, as having someone pleasure you with their hands doesn't tend to bring
up the same set of cultural fears and judgments that oral sex or intercourse sometimes
do, it sometimes works well even when your partner isn't of a gender you are normally
attracted to.

Preliminaries

Set and Setting
Taking the time to create a sensual and appealing environment for your erotic massage
shows that you care about your partner and value pleasure. Start by turning off the
phones. You may wish to put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, illuminate the room
with either candles or soft indirect lamps, burn incense, and turn up the heat to where
one would be comfortable lying down naked. Keep your lubricants, oils, and gloves
(if needed or desired) within easy reach, and cover the massage table with a blanket
and place a clean sheet over this blanket. You can let the sides of the blanket and sheet
drape over the sides of the table so that they may be brought up to cover the receiving
partner (keeping him or her warm) after the massage is finished. Pieces of (possibly
fake) fur or feathers can be used for additional sensual tantalization, and an eye pillow
or blindfold can be helpful in blocking out any unwanted light for your partner.

Putting a CD (or prerecorded tape) of your favorite music on repeat play is a good idea.
Some people are more comfortable with a pillow or rolled bath towel underneath their
knees and/or head (when lying face up) or their ankles (when lying face down), and some
women will be more comfortable with a pillow underneath their hips; if this is your first
massage with your partner you might want to experiment a little or ask him or her.

If you're going to be giving the massage, take a look at your fingernails and clip them
if necessary.

Lubrication

One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs to be used
when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience more pleasurable and prevent
sore spots from developing. One difference between men and women is that one may use
oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based lubricants on men, while one should use only
water-based lubricants on women to avoid encouraging vaginal infections. For genital
massage on men, or for massage elsewhere on a man or woman's body, you can purchase
special massage oils at massage supply shops or else just use a light vegetable oil (such as
Safflower, Sunflower, or grapeseed) from the supermarket. Lubricants and oils should be
reapplied as necessary, so it's good to keep them handy.

It's very convenient to have flip-top squeeze bottles for lubes and oils, and one of those massage
oil "belts" that massage supply shops sell. Since many of these belts have two pockets, you
could use one for lube and the other for massage oil. Be sure lubes and oils are warm before
putting them on someone; if you wish you can run hot tap water over your flip-top bottles for a
few minutes before using them, or maybe you could just keep the plastic bottles in a bowl of
warm water instead of using a belt. It's also a good idea to put lubricants in your hand before
applying them so you have a chance to rub your hands together to warm them if necessary. Oh,
and one final word of advice: please be sure any water-based lube you may be using DOESN'T
contain Nonoxynol-9. In this context Nonoxynol-9 is unlikely to do anything but irritate.

Good Communication

During both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage it's important for the
person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests and comments. He or she
should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of his or her comfort and
pleasure. Requests to go to the bathroom, for touch to be harder or lighter, to take a break
or stop, for the heat to be turned up, etc., are all signs that levels of communication and
trust are high. They are also signs that the receiving partner is paying attention to his or
her feelings, which is a key to experiencing greater and greater pleasure.

Some people find that sex and/or pleasure can bring up difficult emotional issues for them.
When someone is crying, or in a similarly distressed emotional state, it's usually best to
just be there for that person and reassure them that it's OK to cry (possibly while holding
them) rather than trying to rationally discuss what is going on or engage in problem-solving.
Asking them what they need rather than assuming too much is also a good idea.

I hope it goes without saying that you both should be in agreement that your relationship
includes the possibility of sexual intimacy before going ahead with an erotic massage.
Situations where the giving partner tries to shift a relaxation massage into an erotic realm
for the first time, but the receiving partner was expecting or wanting only relaxation
massage or doesn't feel your friendship should include sex, can be uncomfortable and
embarassing at the least. It's worth it to somehow bring this topic up beforehand with a
new partner, even if you have to blush a little when telling him or her what you think it
would be fun to do with them.

Giving Your Erotic Massage

Relaxing Your Partner's Body

Start by connecting with your partner. There may be specific ways you and your partner
prefer to do this. If not, try kind words, soft gazing into each other's eyes, synchronized
breathing, and/or caressing each others' faces or hands.

When both of you are ready, have your partner lie face down, naked, on the massage table.
Start by quieting and focusing your mind while resting your hands on the receiving
partner's upper and lower back. Then, perform a relaxing massage on the back, legs, and
feet. Basic principles of relaxing massage include keeping your hands in contact with
your partner, taking your time, being rhythmic yet sensitive, and proceeding from long
gliding strokes to deeper ones. When giving a massage be sure to use good body
mechanics: use your body weight rather than arm strength for deep strokes, during
gliding strokes keep your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table.

After relaxing your partner's back, legs, and feet, have him or her turn over. Massage
the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs. It can feel good to brush the
genitals when going down to the legs. After finishing the fronts of the legs and feet,
glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals, teasing them. This teasing process
can be drawn out by brushing the inner thighs near the genitals, very lightly touching
the pubic region, etc. At this point erotic energy is often building, making it a natural
time to start shifting the focus to more explicitly sexual activities.

Especially if this is your first massage with this partner, it's a good idea to look into your
partner's eyes while cradling his or her genitals, and somehow ask his or her permission
to go further. The rest of the massage will focus on the genitals, with periodic sweeps up
and down the body to spread, balance, and integrate the sensations. One of the skills that
comes with practice is being able to read the energy and arousal levels of your partner, and
smoothly and gradually ramp up from relaxing massage to more arousing and sexual massage.

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