lack of sexual desires


When do people start having sexual desires?

Sexual desire and activity is a natural part of life. Sexuality is a part of every human being
but is not always on show. We are all different and our appetite for life, self-expression and
sex differs from time to time. Even small children have a more or less conscious sexual desire
and some will masturbate. Although prepubescent boys do not ejaculate, orgasm is possible in
both boys and girls. In puberty, sexuality changes and begins to focus more directly on sexual
activity, sexual relationships, stimulation and orgasm. That is perfectly natural. But the desire
for sexual activity does not develop at the same pace for everybody. Generally, even though girls
develop earlier physically than boys, those of the same age don�t necessarily have the same need
for actual sexual contact. To put it in another way: girls don't have the same need to perform
as boys their age.

Why don�t I feel like having sex?

You may enjoy a satisfactory sex life most of the time but have spells when your sex drive is
low or disappears entirely. That is perfectly natural. We are all different. Some find their sex
drive is strong when they are young but slows down with age. Others continue at full speed
throughout their life. Most find their sex drive goes through peaks and troughs.
Our sexual responses are triggered in the brain although we feel the sensations in the lower
parts of our bodies. Sex is not necessarily a hormonal matter and it is only in rare cases that
lack of desire results from hormonal imbalance. However, hormone replacement may be helpful to
both men and women in later life and there is a new drug sildenafil (Viagra) which can restorev potency in men to some extent. Good sex does require energy, strength and a good mood. It also
helps to be in love with or at least care for and respect the person you sleep with! Otherwise,
sex can turn into a cold and mechanical experience.

How different are men and women?

Men and women differ when it comes to sexual desire. A man can come home from work
tired and in a bad mood, slump in front of the TV and doze off during the news. He can then
go to bed, enjoy 10 minutes of sex with his partner, roll over and get a good night's sleep.
The woman, however, may find it very difficult to play the role of super mistress from 11.13 -
11.23 pm. She may little sex drive or desire in these circumstances.
If the man is disappointed with his partner's lack of sexual response, he may accuse her of
being cold or frigid. Yet what they need to do is look at the psychological reasons for herv lack of interest and focus on trying to resolve the situation rather than ignoring it.
Men are more readily invigorated by novel, young partners than women; for women being in
love with the person is more important.

How can you encourage the sex drive to return?

Firstly, couples must talk to each other: discuss the problems that are affecting their sex life
and what it will take for both to enjoy sex together again. Both partners must acknowledge
that they share a problem and be prepared to compromise in trying to works things out.
Both partners must accept joint responsibility and not simply try to blame the other.
If a couple still love each other and want to be together, there is a good chance of them
resolving their difficulties as long as they keep the channels of communication and co-operation
open.If their relationship and bedroom life is not improving, the couple would be wise to consult
a professional advisor.

based on a text by: Dr Erik Fangel Poulsen, Specialist