SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   The Case of the Crazed Cookie Crusher -- (Yardley, Pennsylvania) For three years the managers in the three supermarkets kept finding shelves of crumbled cookies and smashed loaves of bread.  A cookie company finally installed a hidden camera turned on the cookie aisle at a Giant supermarket.  That led to the arrest and conviction of Samuel Feldman, 37, on charges of disorderly conduct and criminal mischief, and a fine of $1,000.  Both prosecutors and defense attorneys appeared in court with bags of sweet-smelling evidence. The prosecution with bruised buns and crushed cookies, and the defense with unmangled goodies used to demonstrate their client's squeezing technique.  Although Mr. Feldman claimed his innocence, saying 'I squeeze bread when I go to the store, but I don't get arrested for it," the judge said that the 18-hour videotape clearly showed Feldman "manipulating bread and cookies" and "acting suspiciously around the baked goods."  A local reporter commented that the videotape showed Mr. Feldman waiting until his wife's back was turned, and only then would he begin bashing the bread.  "He apparently loved to stick his thumbs in the middle of the fruit-filled cookies.  The impressions were so distinct, the police were able to use them to lift his fingerprints."   Judge Heckler has postponed the sentencing hearing to give Mr. Feldman, who now lives in Las Vegas, time to find "a mental health professional who is familiar with bread-related compulsive behavior."  Meanwhile, the bread and cookie distributors still want their dough, and are planning to sue Mr. Feldman in civil court to recover $8,000, the amount of baked goods they claim that he vandalized over the three year period.

Will The Cookies Be All Broken by Dharmabum
{Sung to Will The Circle....}

{Chorus}:
Will the cookies be all broken,
And the loaves of bread attacked,
I can't rest till Betty Crocker,
And the doughboy have been whacked. 

My name is Sammy Feldman,
And no one can understand,
The kind of thrill it gives me,
To smash baked goods with my hands.

{chorus}

Doesn't matter if it's whole wheat,
It doesn't matter if it's rye,
Or a loaf of pumpernickel,
Gives me a twinkle in my eye.

{chorus}

I was standing by the baked goods,
With my wife there by my side,
When she turned to get some crackers,
I committed yeasticide.

{chorus}

Then I headed for the cookies,
Yet they knew not of their doom,
First I'll start with Honey Grahams,
Then I'll stalk the Lorna Doone.

{chorus}

But I did not see the camera,
That taped all these violent tales,
I was hauled away in shackles,
With cookies 'neath my fingernails.

{chorus}

Now I'm standing in the courtroom,
I can't plead my innocence,
Cause they've got a bag of Oreos,
Covered with my fingerprints.

{chorus}

Now the judge thinks I'm unstable,
He says I'm crazy in the head,
But in jail they give you 3 squares,
And each meal's served with bread.

Will the cookies all be broken,
And the loaves of bread attacked,
I can't rest till Betty Crocker,
And the Doughboy have been whacked.

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