The Wild Yankee Boy by Amos


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Anyone is welcome to perform these songs in public without royalties; however, if any of them are recorded or published for profit, the writers/composers expect the usual royalties.

The Challenge: After munchkins, ferrets, panties, and streakers, and considering the recent Carnival / Mardi Gras madness, I thought we could all use a good stiff drink (that is, unless you've given up the hooch for Lent!). So here's a little story of compassion and sharing that deserves a good song or two -- On Air Traffic Controller Excuses for Stealing Drinks: Peter Smith, an air traffic controller trainee, excuses himself to the judge after being charged with the theft of a glass of beer from a bar -- "I am definitely not guilty. Making my way home from the control tower, I saw a man standing in the street with a glass of beer in his hand. He told me that the glass was stuck to his hand and asked me to help him get free of it. When I had done so, he gave me the glass and its contents by way of a reward."

The Wild Yankee Boy by Amos
(Tune: The Auld Orange Flute)

In the town of Chicago, in far Illinois
I had many a ruction as a wild Yankee boy
I've been collared and whalloped, and beat black and blue
But I bounced back from it all 'til I met Super Glue.
I had work in a bar there, amending decor
With wallpaper trim and some rugs on the floor
And one of the many tasks I had to do
Was to paste colored balls on the walls with that glue

On a step stool I clambered, with no thought of fear
With half of a sandwich and a full mug of beer
But I'd drunk it too quickly, and I soon lost my feet
And I fell on my keister and rolled into the street
I had glue in my hair, sir, and glue in my eye
The pain was enormous, and I started to cry
I had glue on my fingers, and glue in my ear
But I'd managed to not spill a drop of that beer!

I called on a passing-by gal of the night
With nail-polish remover, she soon put me right!
Though I smelled like a polecat, from arsehole to ear
I delightedly said she could finish my beer!
I gave her the glass though it still was full up,
I through in the mug, though it wasn't my cup
And the look that she gave me it warmed me quite through!
And I soon forgot all about damned Super Glue.

Next morning at Kresge's best makeup array
I looked over all that they had on display
For nail polish remover, a pint of the best
For the jolly young walker who'd cured my distress.
But when I went seeking, she could not be found
Though I searched in the alleys and sidewalks around
When another professional told me quite clear,
She'd been thrown in the slammer, for drinking my beer!

Although she'd protested the brew was a gift
The local patrolman, he gave it short shrift
He thought it was tough and it made him a man,
To lock sultry Sukey up down in the can.
I'm off back to Kresge's for more Super Glue
And folks let me tell ye, what I aim to do!
I'll sneak up on that bastard and have me some fun
When his big ugly fingers get stuck to his gun!

I'll put glue in his pants in strategic locations
I'll put glue in his squad car and watch his gyrations
This dick will soon learn better ways to employ
When he comes head to head with a wild Yankee Boy.
Then it's down to the tank at the headquarters place
To rescue sweet Sukey from her awful disgrace
And turn her all honest, and marry her too,
With a bond that is stronger than damn Super Glue

Now fellas take warning, a lesson for you,
And don't mix your drinking with no Super Glue
And always remember this moral quite clear,
You can go for free lunch,
But stay away from free beer!