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SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!
The Song Challenge: I Want My Twinkie And I Want It Now! -- Biddeford, Maine, March 23 - Last week, panic began to spread through the Northwest United States as workers dumped loaves of bread off a loading dock during a strike at the Interstate Bakeries Corp.
Why the bother? This strike of truck drivers prevented the delivery of Wonder Bread and other products, such as Twinkies, across the Northwest US. Wonder Bread, as every good American child knows, is that wonderful, sweet, doughy white bread that one can either ingest or, with a little spit or milk, make funny molded shapes with.
When hardened, it makes fantastic projectiles for peashooters. Generations of American children grew up eating this bread, before the advent of wheat bread into a more health-conscious market.
But the real panic was due to the shortage of Twinkies - the one food product that has been guaranteed by experts to survive a nuclear blast.
An oblong, tan, mushy, cream-filled pastry so sweet that it has been known to rot teeth merely by being looked at, it is lusted after by all children and adults needing a quick sugar fix, and has been popular in the US for years, often imitated but never replaced in the soul of the country.
To the relief of these Twinkie-deprived folks, the eight-day strike ended last Thursday.
'Right now, it sounds like everyone is going to get their Twinkies.' said Robert Piccone, president of Teamsters Local 340.
Because of the strike, the company's Biddeford plant was shut down, putting 400 bakers out of work.
On the picket line in Biddeford, where the drivers had put up a banner that said "Fort Twinkie" at their tarp-covered shelter, a cheer was raised when they heard the news that the strike was
over .
While I Wonder© Of You by Barky
(To the tune of All I Ask Of You from the Phantom of the Opera)
No more talk of Twinkies,
Forget them, they're all gone!
They've been,
thrown in the river,
by workers so suppressing.
I know you loved the Wonder bread.
I never knew someone,
So deeply amored of,
Some food that can be molded.
So say you'll eat with me each waking moment.
Say you'll stay and eat some other bread.
Say you need someone to guide you through this
Horrid lack of Twinkies.
Help me eat some other junk.
Say you'll share with me this soggy Wonder©,
Say you'll make me a giraffe.
This bread is so damn rubbery,
I don't think that I can chew..
My friend, that's all I can do.