Upton's Pig by Fibula Mattock


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Anyone is welcome to perform these songs in public without royalties; however, if any of them are recorded or published for profit, the writers/composers expect the usual royalties.

The Song Challenge: Maybe it was the tin-foil panties, maybe it's the summer heat, maybe it's our brand new grill; but, I find myself 'lusting in my heart' for some barbequed spare ribs, don't you? That must be why I've picked this Challenge! idea from Roger the skiffler this time . . . I can't help myself, I'd just love to see -- Babe On The Block -- From Roger the skiffler (22-Jun-01) I offer this as a possible future challenge, scope for sentimental song: (BTW the pig was saved by the judge). The owner of a retired celebrity pig is fighting a legal battle to save him from the foot-and-mouth slaughter. Grunty, a rare Maori kune kune pig, starred in a children's television film and has his own website. But his fame did not stop an inspector from the Department for Environment Food and Rural Affairs (Defra) from ordering him to be culled under the foot-and-mouth regulations. Grunty's farm in Somerset was condemned because his owner had visited another of her holdings, which turned out to be infected. Rosemary Upton, of Hill Farm, Stawley, near Wellington, Somerset, is applying for permission to seek a judicial review. Appearing for her, Stephen Smith QC, suggested that Grunty had a much stronger case for survival than Phoenix the calf, saved after a blaze of publicity in April. Grunty starred in Pig at the Ritz on Channel Five and in pleasanter times has accompanied Mrs. Upton on trips to the local village.

Mmmmmmmm -- this Challenge! sounds finger-licking good!! (now where did I put that Worchester Sauce???).

Upton's Pig by Fibula Mattock
(To the tune of "Uptown Girl")

Upton's pig
Her barrister is putting on his wig
Because they're off to fight a legal battle
To halt the slaughter of the sheep and cattle
And little pigs...

And Grunty's fans, well they want him al-i-i-ive
He's got his own show on Channel Fi-i-ive

Upton's farm
Went to another and it brought them harm
They had to go and call the vet
To Grunty's home in Somerset
Oh no, oh no...

And Grunty's fans, well they want him al-i-i-ive
He's got his own show on Channel Fi-i-ive

Upton's judge
He's not the type of man to hold a grudge
He said that Grunty could go free
Now he's back again on our TV
hip hip hooray...
And Grunty's fans, they're so glad he's al-i-i-ive
They'll tune in weekly to Channel Fi-i-ive

Upton's pig
Oh Upton's piiiiiiiiig...
(repeat ad nauseum to fade)