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The Song Challenge:   But I Want To Get To Know You . . . (Hove, East Sussex, England)  A lapdancing club has applied to the local council for a variance to its licence to allow blind patrons to touch performers.   The Pussycats Club in Hove complained that the strict no touching clause in its current licence discriminates against the blind.  Kenneth McGrath, director of the club, took up the issue with Brighton and Hove council after two blind men visited Pussycats with a stag party of sighted friends.   They wanted to touch the girls, explaining that, if they could, it would give them a better idea of what the exotic dancers looked like.  The club's licence forbids any physical contact between dancers and guests except when customers feel the need to place banknotes in the dancer's garters.   Mr. McGrath said: "Both men said they very much enjoyed the dances and sensed highly the proximity of the dancers and, in particular, enjoyed the smell of their perfume.  Given their disability, they felt controlled touching ought to be permitted for registered blind persons only and with the dancer's consent (and) that touching should be voluntary and restricted to the breasts and only when the dancer is wearing a bra and not topless.  The dancer would retain full control, taking one hand of the blind customer and placing it on her breasts while dancing for an agreed time."   A council spokesman said:  "We would consider any application for a variance of the lapdancing licence once we receive it." 

Uncle Charlie's Big Night Out by Áine
(Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike)

Áine's Comments:  Well, from the 'heights' of Hove, we're gonna take a little trip to a local spot here in Texas that just happens to have the same name . . .

Well, back in East Texas we got us a place,
Called the Pussycat Club, where you don't show your face,
Go in with dark glasses, white cane and a dog,
And for twenties and fifties, they'll put on the hog.

Uncle Charlie turned 90, and was in quite a snit,
His eyes had grown dim, he'd slowed down quite a bit,
We all decided to give him a treat,
A trip with his hands that just couldn't be beat.

There was Candy from Tyler, who smelled oh so sweet,
And curved from her earlobes to her shapely feet,
Once Charlie had visited her every corner,
He grinned ear-to-ear just like ole Jack Horner.

Then Kelly from Kilgore thrust her big ones in,
Candy fell over Charlie, which caused such a din,
Well, Uncle he grabbed at both sides with each hand,
And from the looks in their eyes, there'd be no reprimand.

Nan from Nacogdoches brought in Lil from Longview,
These frisky fillies always did things in twos,
On both sides they jiggled and got Charlie upright,
He no longer regretted the loss of his sight!

Well, Belle was the girl who ended the fuss,
She danced up to Charlie, and grasping his truss,
Said, 'Come home with me, darlin', I've got your gold ticket,'
'I'm the girl of your dreams from deep in the Big Thicket.'

The last time we saw Charlie, he was in Big Belle's arms,
Content, he lay back in the expanse of her charms,
She bent down and whispered, and tugged his goatee,
And he answered, laughing, 'Of course I can see!'

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