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The Song Challenge:   Who Left Uncle Harry In The Bushes? July 6, 2000 - Fort Worth, Texas: Maintenance worker John Truex was minding his own business as he walked the grounds of the Woodhill Apartments on Monday, when he spied an odd-looking wooden box under a bush. "He had no idea what it was," said the manager of the complex. "It looked like a little coffin."  Truex took the box to the apartment office to show the manager and other staff members what he found. Curious, the group opened the lid and discovered a sealed brass box inside. They couldn't open the brass box, and couldn't figure out what it was, so they called the police. Office r W.T. Byrnes arrived at the scene and was just as stumped by the 1-foot-long by 4-inch-wide box, which seemed to be missing a display plate. "I wasn't real sure what it was," Byrnes said. "I called funeral homes in the area and they said, 'Yes, we package things like that,' and I said, 'Eeeeyew!'"  "According to a couple of funeral homes," continued Officer Byrnes, "they take ashes, put them in a plastic bag with a label of who it is and then put them in a box that they seal up and then put in a display case." Byrnes turned the little box over to the Medical Examiner's Office; however, the staff members there declined to comment yesterday. The statement from spokeswoman Linda Anderson was, "As it stands right now, we don't have any information on it -- All we have is a box."  But the apartment manager has heard otherwise. "It's an urn of some sort," she said. "The medical examiner's office found out that it is a lady from Granbury, but they haven't contacted any relatives. But I'm sure when a person finds out that their relative was left here, we will be hearing from them . . . (but) you've got to wonder who would leave Uncle Harry under a bush . . . .". 

Uncle Harry Came Back by Dharmabum
(Tune:  The Cat Came Back)

Old Uncle Harry was a nasty old coot, 
He smoked Lucky Strikes, 
And wore a dirty old suit, 
We all took our turns, 
At our houses he would stay, 
And we always looked forward, 
To when he'd go away. 

Chorus:
But he always came back, 
The very next day, 
Harry came back, 
We thought he was a goner, 
Uncle Harry came back, 
He just wouldn't stay away. 

Old uncle Harry was a grumpy old man, 
We swore when he died, 
We'd toss him in the garbage can, 
We waited and we waited, 
For the day he'd meet his maker, 
It was looking pretty grim, 
We never thought we'd find a taker. 

Chorus:
Cause he kept coming back, 
The very next day, 
He kept coming back, 
We thought he was a goner, 
Harry kept coming back, 
He just wouldn't stay away. 

Now we threw a great big party , 
On the day he passed away, 
Cause we knew that he had left us, 
And he was gone to stay, 
We gave him to the undertaker, 
He was six feet underground, 
We no longer had to worry, 
About having him around. 

Chorus:
He wouldn't come back, 
The very next day, 
No he wouldn't come back, 
We knew he was a goner, 
He wouldn't come back, 
We knew he would stay away. 

Now Harry had a hound dog, 
Sniffing round his resting place, 
He dug old Harry up, 
Cause Harry's smell had left a trace, 
He drug him by the pant leg, 
Harry's body stiff and hard, 
And he brought old Harry home, 
And left him laying in the yard. 

Chorus:
He brought Harry back, 
The very next day, 
Brought him right back, 
We thought he was a goner, 
Brought him right back, 
He just wouldn't stay away. 

I don't know what we did, 
To deserve such a curse, 
He smelled like crap before, 
Now he's smelling even worse, 
I guess we'll have to keep him, 
That dirty stinking geezer, 
I'll go get some baking soda, 
And we'll stick him in the freezer. 

Chorus:
Cause he keeps coming back, 
The very next day, 
Harry's back again, 
We thought he was a goner, 
He keeps coming back, 
He just won't stay away. 

To the crematorium, 
We said turn him into ash, 
We'll get a new brass box, 
For his remains to stash, 
We'll drive him out to Texas, 
And we'll toss him in some brush, 
Just do it right of way, 
Cause we're in a great big rush. 

Now we tossed him out the window, 
As some bushes we flew past, 
The box flipped end to end, 
He was flying pretty fast, 
We turned the car around, 
We were in quite a hurry, 
But Harry beat us home, 
And now he's a woman from Granbury. 

Chorus:
Yea Harry came back, 
The very next day, 
Harry came back, 
We thought he was a goner, 
Harry came back, 
He/she just wouldn't stay away. 

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