SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Digging herself in deeper and deeper -- Yep, it's your one and only Giver-uppper of the Golden Cow Chips, back from the 'moving' wars and ready to test your little gray cells once again!! I'll just take this opportunity to let all you wonderful Challenge!rs know how much I've missed you -- and I hope we won't ever be parted for so long again . . . This Challenge! will be sorta personal, if y'all don't mind too much ;-) . . . I do think, however, that it will test your collective imagination and rhyming capabilities satisfactorily . . . Here's a picture of the new homestead, perched appropriately on a high sandstone hill in the Post Oak Savannah of Texas (the East Cross Timbers, to be exact). Please note the sandstone wall on the left . . . behind that wall is a curious little patch of broken stones, buried in a sandy clay loam, quite different from the rest of the grounds (you can't 'dig' here -- there's one inch of dirt, then rock, then THICK wet (not damp) clay).  I've been digging and breaking rocks with my trusty spade and pickaxe for two weeks now, and I still haven't reached the bottom of this strange plot of earth. However, I have discovered a few interesting things buried under the first layer of dirt and rock . . . your Challenge! is to write a song about what I found buried beneath the red-tipped photinias, honeysuckle and asian jasmine . . . let your minds run wild and let your collective freak flags fly, my dear Challenge!rs and GO FOT IT!  Hugs and snogs to each and every one of you -- and two kisses on each of your cheeks (hahaha) -- Áine (songtress, chef, chief bottle washer and now Mad Gardener)


Twelve Inches of Topsoil by Trapper (a/k/a Al Boyce - 5/11/2001)
(Tune: Twelve Days of Christmas)

Trapper's Comments:  SH*T!  That's what happens when you don't check a thread for a few days! I composed this offline. Apologies to Sinsull, who already used this tune for his parody. I think I'll post it anyway . . . .  If you don't get the references, you'll have to go SURFING!!

In the first inch of topsoil my garden gave to me,
A Condom in a Cup of Coffee

In the second inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Two blown-up fox...
and a condom in a cup of coffee...

In the third inch of topsoil my garden gave to me,
Three French pigs...
Two blown-up fox...
and a condom in a cup of coffee..

In the fourth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the fifth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the sixth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the seventh inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the eighth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the ninth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Nine Panties Flinging...
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the tenth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Ten Grannies 'jacking...
Nine Panties Flinging...
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the eleventh inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Eleven Sheep a-shooting...
Ten Grannies 'jacking...
Nine Panties Flinging...
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the twelfth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Twelve Caitrin's Cookies...
Eleven Sheep a-shooting...
Ten Grannies 'jacking...
Nine Panties Flinging...
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

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