SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Challenge:  From a recent National Public Radio show segment:  Mr. Patrick Wright is serving time in the George F. Bailey Detention Facility in Otay Mesa, California for brandishing a knife at police and for illegal possession of ferrets.  In California, unlike most states in the U.S., keeping ferrets as pets is illegal. He picked up the knife when the police burst through his door during a raid to take possession of his four pet ferrets. "I like to believe I live in a free country . . . in California . . . it's like we're dealing with Stalin . . . it's completely un-American," says Mr. Wright. His fellow inmates in the county jail at first didn't believe he'd been arrested for ferret possession.  However, after they'd seen his picture in the local newspaper, they began calling him 'Ferretman'. He told the court that he is sorry about the knife incident, but still defends his right to keep ferrets. The appeal of ferrets he says, '. . . they're like little clowns . . . they're Prozac with legs."   The Challenge is to write a song welcoming Mr. Wright home from the county jail and/or defending his right to keep ferrets!

The True Story Of Patrick Wright's Wrong-Doing by Amos
(Tune: Bally Jame's Bluff) 

Patrick Wright, sir, was born out in warm California 
Where weirdoes cavort by the sea. 
And he always enjoyed things a privileged boy 
Has when born to the land of the free. 
He had his own cell-phone by the time he was 12, 
And a "Woody" before twenty-one! 
A happy white male growing under the law 
In the land of the free and the sun!

He began his career selling sweet Baby's Tears 
In a Home Depot garden display 
And by learning the ropes and by staying quite stoked, 
He soon managed the whole garden bay 
So the future looked bright, and the pay was all right, 
And he thought he might soon take a wife! 
But young Wright's aspirations were tumbled as soon 
As two young ferrets entered his life!

Now the thing was begun all in innocent fun, 
He just yearned to seem different and cool, 
To attract Susie Lake, whom he'd met on a break, 
A young student at hairdresser's school. 
Young Patrick looked 'round and he rapidly found 
The coolest and newest thing yet! 
Two ferrets quite rare, a beautiful pair 
In the classified ads, under "Pets".

Now this stunt was successful, and not very stressful; 
Young Susie surrendered her keep 
On the very first kiss, and with unfathomed bliss 
In her hairdresser's arms he did sleep 
But early next morning from his dreams he was torn 
By the light of a flashing blue glare! 
And a terrible pounding on his front door was sounding, 
And a cop yelling "We know you're there!"

It was just before dawn, and young Susie was gone 
And Patrick, afraid for his life 
Staggered up to his feet, with his mind half asleep 
And picked up a large sushi knife 
As he opened the door, he was slammed to the floor, 
And by three cops was brutally mugged! 
And his head it was ringing, his poor face was stinging 
And they rolled him away to the jug.

Now the judge made the claim, in the State's noble name 
That he'd broken the law and done harm! 
And for keeping those ferrets, he would quickly inherit 
Six months in the County's worst farm! 
Though he protests and cries and all wrong he denies 
The inmates there grant it no merit! 
They are sure it's a crime, for which he's doing time, 
And have taken to calling him "Ferret".

While he stands at the fence in a pose of repentance 
There's a young lawyer out on a flail 
He is Ronnie McBurney, prosecuting attorney, 
Who sent our young Patrick to jail 
And he pulls up before old Sheriff Lake's door 
And he's only a few minutes late, 
Gives a handshake in peace to that chief of police 
And runs Susy Lake out on a date! 

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