To Be a Tiger by Bradypus


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The Song Challenge: The Man Who Wanted To Be King . . . Of The Jungle, That Is -- (August 2001) SAN DIEGO, CA. -- A San Diego computer programmer who has spent �100,000 on tattoos and plastic surgery to turn himself into a 'tiger' wants a fur graft. ( Click here for his picture) Dennis Smith is tattooed from head to toe with orange and black stripes and his teeth have been filed to needle point. His fingernails have been crafted into sharp talons while his hands have tattooed markings like a tiger's paws. He says he feels like a tiger. The short back-and-sides he sported at the University of California has been replaced with a long orange mane. He has also swapped his glasses for green contact lenses. He has also had latex whiskers implanted and surgery to his lips so he has a permanent snarl. He now wants a surgeon to graft tiger fur on to his skin, like a perma-wig. Mr. Smith, who has changed his name by deed poll to Cat Man, said: "I have a collection of old tiger pelts from the days of hunting. I want these grafted on to me. It will cost another $100,000 but will be worth it. When I have the coat of a tiger, I feel I will have reached my goal in life." 'Cat Man' admits "Of course people stare at me when I walk down the street, but that's the effect I desire. For so long I have equated myself with the tiger that I decided to change myself into one." "It's the real me. So many men cross-dress without their partners knowing, or dress up and play cowboys or Civil War soldiers at weekends. Me, I'm a tiger all the time and I love it. I had my first tattoos done 20 years ago around my eyes and now my whole body is one pastiche of stripes and shading. I am really proud of it all.".

To Be a Tiger by Bradypus
(The tune is Monk's Gate, and the original words were by John Bunyan . . . )

Bradypus' Comments: Well, this challenge is one to get your teeth into . . .

Who would a tiger be?
Who'd be a big cat?
Who wants the world to see
Stripes are where it's at.
There's no discouragement
Will make me e'er relent
For this is my intent
To be a tiger

For stripes of orange and black
I beg and wheedle
Submit my body to
Tattooist's needle
I never mind the pain
I'll do it once again
And I've an orange mane �
I'll be a tiger

Who would have teeth and claws
Sharp as a razor?
Who heeds the jungle's laws?
Men think I'm crazier
I bask in sun all day
On branch of tree I'll lay
You may think this is play
But I'm a tiger

As Hobbes to Calvin is
Pooh is to Tigger
Shere Khan the hero does �
I'll be still bigger
Tiger, I'm burning bright
In forests of the night
For this is my delight-
To be a tiger

I cannot yet compete
No tiger rampant
To make this work complete
DNA transplant
There surely is the rub �
I'll just eat tiger grub
I'll sire a tiger cub
I'll be a tiger