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SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!
The Challenge: To write a song
about -- The Norwegian Moose And His Road Rage -- DATELINE: OSLO, Norway -- Raymond Johansen isn't sure what to say on his insurance claim after a moose walked across his car and kicked in its windshield this weekend. Johansen and his girlfriend, Kristen, were driving home when they stopped for a moose on the highway. They thought they'd avoided a potentially deadly collision with the moose, which weighted about 400 kilograms (880 pounds); but, no such luck. Johansen recalled shouting "this can't be" when the moose walked across the car's hood and one of its feet came crashing through the windshield. Neither the couple nor the moose was injured. He said the moose may have been enraged by the bright lights of the car.
To A Moose by Bradypus
Bradypus' Comments: Can I apologise in advance for what follows. Firstly, it may not be a song, as I don't have a tune for it. Does anyone know a tune for Burns-style stanzas?
Secondly, I've taken some liberties with the language. I know some of the orthography is wrong in this one, but I haven't had time to polish it.
Anyway, here goes . . .
Big, glaikit, horned hairy beastie
O, what a panic's in my breastie
Thou makst me start away sae hasty
When from the forest
Thou rushed at me as thou wouldst chase me
And my wee motor
Thou saw the Volvo coming fast
Thou heardst the horn I gie'd a blast
I braked, and tho' I nearly crashed
I stopped in time
And O, but I was very fashed,
Baith me an' mine
And there ye stood and glared at me
I saw the divil in yer ee
I saw ye loup, for to be free
And I'm no kiddin' ye
Then crash! Yer hoof, it hit my knee
Right through the windae
My we bit Volvo now in ruin!
It's windscreen tae the winds is stewin
An naething now, to buy a new ane
Wi banknotes green
Or try a claim on the insurance –
They'll no be keen!
But Moosie, thou art no thy lane
In proving driving may be vain
The best- laid routes o' moose and man
And even possum
Can lead us whaur we wouldna'gang –
Is that no awesome!