Turd In A Golden Bowl by Amos


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Anyone is welcome to perform these songs in public without royalties; however, if any of them are recorded or published for profit, the writers/composers expect the usual royalties.

The Song Challenge: Yes, Virginia, There Really Is A Pot O' Gold! -- (HONG KONG, China) A Hong Kong jeweler has opened his doors to what is possibly the world's most glamorous convenience -- a glittering golden bathroom complete with two 24-carat solid gold toilets. Having learned in school that Lenin had wanted to make gold toilets for the Russian people, Lam Sai-wing says he had long dreamed of creating the ultimate in lavish loos. Now the owner of a successful jewelers, Lam has finally turned his ideal dream into a $4.9 million reality. Replete with gold wash basins, toilet brushes, toilet paper holders, mirrors, chandeliers and even wall tiles and doors made of solid gold, the 45-year old businessman calls his creation "a combination of my thoughts and ideals". Inside the ceiling of the "ancient Roman-style" washroom is encrusted with ruby, sapphire, emerald and amber. However, visitors to Lam's luxury lavatory will find that it is open only to an exclusive few. Potential users will have to spend at least HK$1,000 (U.S.$138) on jewelry for the privilege to relieve themselves amid the finery. The restroom was not to everyone's taste though. "It's too wasteful, said one visitor. Others who had the opportunity to make a dazzling deposit were more appreciative of the marketing concept behind the convenience. Wang Xifeng, a visitor from mainland China, said she appreciated Lenin's vision and Lam's realization of it. "It's a good selling point," she said with a smile. "It's a dream come true." For a peek at the pot, click here!

Turd In A Golden Bowl by Amos
(Tune: A Bird In a Gilded Cage)

It's only a turd, in a golden bowl
A beautiful sight to see.
You may think that it means she is free from care
Assured regularity!
It's rounded and formed by greed, you see;
A thing with no life, or soul
And its beauty is pale, in a rich man's jail --
It's a turd in a golden bowl!

The bathroom was filled with rich delights
It shone with a golden light;
And there was a woman who passed along
The fairest of all the sights!
A girl to her lover then softly sighed:
"What product! What bowels! How grand!"
But he cried, "That's absurd! It is only a turd
"Though it lies in a golden stand!...
It's only a turd, in a golden bowl
A beautiful sight to see.
You may think that it means she is free from care
Assured regularity!
It's rounded and formed by greed, you see;
A thing with no life, or soul
And its beauty is pale, in a rich man's jail --
It's a turd in a golden bowl!

I stood near a sewage plant, by the sea'
As the sun drove away the rain.
And looked at the flow that did seaward go
From crappers both great and plain
A large and well formed piece, I knew on sight
Came from one who'd been Queen of Wealth
And I thought: it is truer, among its kind
Than it seemed on that golden shelf!

It's only a turd, in a golden bowl
A beautiful sight to see.
You may think that it means she is free from care
Assured regularity!
It's rounded and formed by greed, you see;
A thing with no life, or soul
And its beauty is pale, in a rich man's jail --
It's a turd in a golden bowl!