I Am A Tiger With No Tail by Jack the Sailor


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The Song Challenge: The Man Who Wanted To Be King . . . Of The Jungle, That Is -- (August 2001) SAN DIEGO, CA. -- A San Diego computer programmer who has spent �100,000 on tattoos and plastic surgery to turn himself into a 'tiger' wants a fur graft. ( Click here for his picture) Dennis Smith is tattooed from head to toe with orange and black stripes and his teeth have been filed to needle point. His fingernails have been crafted into sharp talons while his hands have tattooed markings like a tiger's paws. He says he feels like a tiger. The short back-and-sides he sported at the University of California has been replaced with a long orange mane. He has also swapped his glasses for green contact lenses. He has also had latex whiskers implanted and surgery to his lips so he has a permanent snarl. He now wants a surgeon to graft tiger fur on to his skin, like a perma-wig. Mr. Smith, who has changed his name by deed poll to Cat Man, said: "I have a collection of old tiger pelts from the days of hunting. I want these grafted on to me. It will cost another $100,000 but will be worth it. When I have the coat of a tiger, I feel I will have reached my goal in life." 'Cat Man' admits "Of course people stare at me when I walk down the street, but that's the effect I desire. For so long I have equated myself with the tiger that I decided to change myself into one." "It's the real me. So many men cross-dress without their partners knowing, or dress up and play cowboys or Civil War soldiers at weekends. Me, I'm a tiger all the time and I love it. I had my first tattoos done 20 years ago around my eyes and now my whole body is one pastiche of stripes and shading. I am really proud of it all.".

I Am A Tiger With No Tail by Jack the Sailor (. . . Buck Owens, Harlan Howard, Catman)

Jack's Comments: You know, if you paint your house grey, that won't make it a battleship. Yeah this thing is creepy, but mostly pathetic. But that won't stop me from poking fun!

CHORUS:
I an A Tiger With no The Tail, it's plain to see
The doctors they won't put a tail on me
Well, I'm a gaining weight and sharpening my nails
Looks like I'm A Tiger with no Tail.

First I had my teeth filed and my mouth turned to a scowl
And now I'm working on my tiger howl
Striped tattooes and whiskers make me feline with out fail
And it Looks like I'm A Tiger with no Tail.

CHORUS

I am A Tiger With no The Tail, it's plain to see
The doctors they won't put a tail on me
Well, I'm a gaining weight and sharpening my nails
Looks like I'm A Tiger with no Tail.

CHORUS

A hundred thousand dollars to graft an old pelt on my skin
I surely will be a tiger then
But even on a good day I'll still be pretty frail;
And it Looks like I'm A Tiger with no Tail.

CHORUS

I've alway been a tiger look upon my orange hair
I'll get it covered under medicare
I'll publicize my story through Springer and the mail
And then I'll be a tiger with a tale.