SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Maybe it was the tin-foil panties, maybe it's the summer heat, maybe it's our brand new grill; but, I find myself 'lusting in my heart' for some barbequed spare ribs, don't you?  That must be why I've picked this Challenge! idea from Roger the skiffler this time . . .   I can't help myself, I'd just love to see -- Babe On The Block -- From Roger the skiffler (22-Jun-01) I offer this as a possible future challenge, scope for sentimental song:   (BTW the pig was saved by the judge).  The owner of a retired celebrity pig is fighting a legal battle to save him from the foot-and-mouth slaughter. Grunty, a rare Maori kune kune pig, starred in a children's television film and has his own website.  But his fame did not stop an inspector from the Department for Environment Food and Rural Affairs (Defra) from ordering him to be culled under the foot-and-mouth regulations.  Grunty's farm in Somerset was condemned because his owner had visited another of her holdings, which turned out to be infected.  Rosemary Upton, of Hill Farm, Stawley, near Wellington, Somerset, is applying for permission to seek a judicial review.   Appearing for her, Stephen Smith QC, suggested that Grunty had a much stronger case for survival than Phoenix the calf, saved after a blaze of publicity in April.  Grunty starred in Pig at the Ritz on Channel Five and in pleasanter times has accompanied Mrs. Upton on trips to the local village.

Mmmmmmmm -- this Challenge! sounds finger-licking good!!  (now where did I put that Worchester Sauce???).


The Pig At The Bar by Amos
(Tune: The Waggoner's Lad)

I am a poor piglet, my story is bitter
I have always been pampered, the pride of my litter
My siblings had sow-teat, which often ran dry,
By fed from a bottle by a virgin was I

My owner's a fine lass, the cows call her Maarm
She has flocks of fine geese and a couple of farms
She told me quite early, from the pig pen I'm barred
For she had me in mind for a Pig Movie star!

While others got leavings, they fed me on beer
And I learned early on 'twas the better career!
My sisters are bacon, and cold barbecue
But I never did fear, til that terrible 'flue!

It came from those other beasts who live way down south,
And the lawyers they call it that hard hoof-in-mouth
And at first we all panicked, but Maarm did but laugh
Saying "Look what it took to save Pheonix the calf!"

So my heart rested easy, I was Grunty the star,
'Til Maarm had to travel, to holdings afar
And when she returned, or the day after that,
My life was served summons, by a man in a hat.

I'm a rare kune kune, and I've been in films three
And my heart it cries out, "They can't do this to me!!"
And Maarm she stands weeping, but swears she won't budge.
So my life's in the hands of a humanoid judge!

I stand here before you, I am handsome and trig,
My life I am begging from a man in a wig!
I'll get down on pig's knuckle, I will do any thing
If you spare me I swear I shall learn how to sing.

The judge is an old man, his spirit is gray
And over his left shoulder, his gaze it does stray,
I am bound to be pork chops, my heart fills with doom!
Then he answers with freedom!! And light fills the room!

I am back in my home, 'tis a silk-lined new sty
And my films are blockbusters, and our revenue's high
I am fat, sleek and happy, and my girth it is big,
Pray God, shower blessings, on that man in the wig!

Back to Top