The Monkey and the Ingenue by Amos


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The Song Challenge: I Wanna Hold Your . . . May 31 — A sex-crazed male monkey has caused an uproar in a central Sri Lankan town, stalking and attacking girls in public and flirting outrageously with cats and dogs, a newspaper said on Wednesday. The monkey has roused the anger of residents of Kundasale by following young women around the town, jumping on them without warning and clinging tenaciously until it was chased away with sticks and stones, the Daily News reported. Apparently having little success with human females, the primate also makes advances on other animals to which it has "a very strong affinity (particularly) cats and dogs of the opposite sex," the newspaper said, adding the creature fed its libido by stealing chocolates from local shops. The monkey business has outraged the town in Sri Lanka's conservative rural heartland where public displays of affection are frowned upon even between humans of the opposite sex.

The Monkey and the Ingenue by Amos
(Tune: The Monkey and the Engineer (Jesse Fuller -- Hillgreen Music/BMI)

Once upon a time there was an ingenue
Awful proud of the wiggle that her buns could do
Walkin down that Ceylonese avenoo
Making all the Sri Lanka boys go woo, woo, woo!

One day this little lass she was strollin' free
Got noticed by a monkey in a nearby tree
The gal was so provokin' with her strut and all
She heated up that the monkey through the Species wall!

Chorus:
Motivated monkey, coming down that street
Motivated monkey, smells some fancy meat
Motivated monkey, swollen all outta shape
Got his monkey-mind set on some trans-species rape!

The monkey, he believed that his love was true!
He figgered that the doxie would just ring him on through,
Imagine his surprise when he made his pitch,
That two-timin' hussy was a world-class bitch!

The pretty little strumpet with the swell behind
Left that monkey with a worried mind,
When he jumped up to make his case,
The lady kicked the monkey all in his face!

Chorus:
Motivated monkey, gettin' bothered now,
Chasin' every species from a dog to a sow!
Motivated monkey, swollen all outta shape
Got his monkey-mind set on some trans-species rape!

The monkey saw his ardor wouldn't win the case
He figgered that it mighta been his funny face!
But he had to do something with his swelling pet,
So he turned his passion toward a passing cat instead!

But that wasn't the end of that Sri Lankan lass
She caught herself a bachelor with that curvaceous ass,
But the fifth time he whopped her up alongside the head
She kinda wished she'd settled for the monk instead!!

Chorus:
Motivated momma with an achin' head,
Wishes that she got herself an ape instead!
Motivated momma, with her beauty gone,
Lookin' for a trans-species liaison!