The Miser And The John by Naemanson


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Anyone is welcome to perform these songs in public without royalties; however, if any of them are recorded or published for profit, the writers/composers expect the usual royalties.

The Song Challenge: This Challenge! idea comes from our one and only MMario -- which kinda makes me wonder if he's ever actually been in - Port-a-Potty Peril -- Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania, June 15 - Police rescued a man who found himself stuck in the depths of a portable toilet at a recreational field Wednesday afternoon, after he lowered himself inside and couldn't get out. The man, not identified by police, told officers he was trying to retrieve his keys. He was trapped there for at least 45 awful minutes, he told police. Children playing basketball heard the man calling for help and told their mother. She called township police. Officers arrived about 2:45 p.m. and found the unfortunate man, still shouting and in the toilet's lower chamber up to his hips. He was naked from the waist down, having taken off his shoes and pants for his unpleasant task. It took emergency response workers until 3:28 p.m. to extract him, police said, adding that they had to destroy a significant part of the facility in the process. Police could not estimate the cost of the damage. One he was free, the man was taken to hospital for treatment of cuts and bruises - and to have the wedged-tight toilet seat removed from around his torso.

The Miser And The John by Naemanson
(To the tune of: Shoals Of Herring)

Well I am a jogger and a running man
As it's through the park I'm bearing
Saw the john and felt the urge
Knew my bowels I had to purge,
Now it's a toilet seat I'm wearing,

I stepped inside and turned to drop my pants
And crouched to perch upon the hole
But my change fell out
With my pocket inside out
And a quarter tumbled down below.

Now good money is nothing to sneeze at
I'm sure you would agree sir.
But to wade in piss and shit
Needs better reason than two bits
So inside I tossed my car keys sir.

My plan was sound my reasoning secure
I needed the keys for my new Lexus.
So I stepped into the hole
But slipped and fell below
Wedged in the seat that protects us.

I could not move I could not turn,
My goods I could not reach, sir
So I called for help
Hollared bawled and yelped
Till children told their mother

Now once again I am a free man,
Out of that awful water
I have my keys
And drive where I please,
But I didn't get my quarter.