The Human Ark by derrymacash


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The Song Challenge: Is That A Baby Budgie In Your Pants, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me? -- RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) -- With parrots and snakes in his luggage and bird eggs tucked into his underwear, an Austrian tourist has been arrested and charged for animal trafficking, Brazilian police said on Wednesday. "He put (the eggs) near his testicles so they would be at nest temperature," a police spokesman said. Police discovered 21 parrots, four parakeets and two snakes hidden in two large suitcases carried by Austrian botanist Johann Zillinger. hey also found Zillinger had rolled five parakeet eggs into a sock and nestled them in his underwear. "Since some of the parakeets that he had with him were newborns, we assume that some of the eggs had already hatched." Tipped off by an anonymous call, Rio de Janeiro police arrested the Austrian on Monday in front of his Copacabana beach hotel, as he climbed into a taxi on his way to catch a flight to Europe. According to police, Zillinger bought the animals in the Amazon port city of Belen and planned to take them to Austria to sell them in Europe.

The Human Ark by derrymacash
(To the tune of "Phil The Fluter's Ball" (how tacky is that?!))

Noah from the Bible got a tip-off of a flood
So he built a bloody great big boat as quickly as he could
And bunged it full of animals, large, medium and small
And sure, Noah he was laughing as the rain began to fall
And Mister Johann Zillinger, who deals in dodgy animals
Was shopped to the police by a local coppers' nark
And as the cops surrounded him, he said I am no criminal
God above's appointed me to be a human ark

With a pig in my wig and a nest in my vest
I've got ants in my pants and pests on my chest
Gnus in my shoes and a fox in my socks
And in the lining of my jacket I've concealed a huge bull-ox

The airport police stood open-jawed in disbelief
They believed that they were trailing a villain and a thief
But now he'd turned the tables, if they believed his word
It appeared that the boul' Johann was an envoy of the Lord
And thus it was Herr Johann evaded long detention
He should have spent a long time in a prison cell
But he was upgraded at the very mention
Of his mission from the Lord to save all animals from hell

With a cat in my hat and some bitches in my britches
Cunningly concealed behind some decorative stitches
I've got chicks in my knicks and - the very coup de grace! �
I've got a hairy caterpillar hiding in my ass