SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   But I Want To Get To Know You . . . (Hove, East Sussex, England)  A lapdancing club has applied to the local council for a variance to its licence to allow blind patrons to touch performers.   The Pussycats Club in Hove complained that the strict no touching clause in its current licence discriminates against the blind.  Kenneth McGrath, director of the club, took up the issue with Brighton and Hove council after two blind men visited Pussycats with a stag party of sighted friends.   They wanted to touch the girls, explaining that, if they could, it would give them a better idea of what the exotic dancers looked like.  The club's licence forbids any physical contact between dancers and guests except when customers feel the need to place banknotes in the dancer's garters.   Mr. McGrath said: "Both men said they very much enjoyed the dances and sensed highly the proximity of the dancers and, in particular, enjoyed the smell of their perfume.  Given their disability, they felt controlled touching ought to be permitted for registered blind persons only and with the dancer's consent (and) that touching should be voluntary and restricted to the breasts and only when the dancer is wearing a bra and not topless.  The dancer would retain full control, taking one hand of the blind customer and placing it on her breasts while dancing for an agreed time."   A council spokesman said:  "We would consider any application for a variance of the lapdancing licence once we receive it." 

The Hovemaster's Stores by McGrath of Harlow

McGrath's Comments:  Quite another branch of the family.  Probably a benighted Scotsman, with a name like Kenneth.  And in Hove! Brighton you could undertsand, but in Hove they are said to be highly respectable.  Perhaps a new version of the Quartermaster's Stores? Or as the DT calls it the Quartermaster's Corps. 

There were girls there, 
they were very very bare 
in the raw, 
in the raw,
There were girls there, 
they were very very bare 
they were dancing in the raw.
My eyes are dim, I cannot see, 
I have not brought my specs with me, 
I have not brought my specs with me.

There was one chap 
with a lady in his lap, 
to be sure,
to be sure,
And since he
found it very hard to see,
he touched here on the raw
My eyes are dim, I cannot see, 
I have not brought my specs with me, 
I have not brought my specs with me.

And she said see,
you're acting rather free
and what's more,
and what's more,
if you touch me
that's a bleeding liberty,
and it's dead against the law
My eyes are dim, I cannot see, 
I have not brought my specs with me, 
I have not brought my specs with me.

That's a shame miss,
but if that's the way it is
to be sure,
be demure,
but it's not much to cop
a little touch and it
makes me more secure.
My eyes are dim, I cannot see, 
I have not brought my specs with me, 
I have not brought my specs with me.

So she says "See,
if it was down to me,
I'd say sure, let's have your paw,
but in Hove here
the rules are very clear,
we'd lose our licence,
that's for sure!"
My eyes are dim, I cannot see, 
I have not brought my specs with me, 
I have not brought my specs with me.

But the boss called, 
a bloke at City Hall,
"It's not fair,
it's not fair,
I think we
should let him feel if he can't see,
we want equality in here.
His eyes are dim, he cannot see,
let's have a touch of liberty,
let's have a touch of liberty."

Back to Top