The Crappy Man by derrymacash


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Anyone is welcome to perform these songs in public without royalties; however, if any of them are recorded or published for profit, the writers/composers expect the usual royalties.

The Song Challenge: Polly Want a Divorce? SHANGHAI (Reuters) - A Chinese housewife is seeking divorce claiming the family's talking bird dropped clues on her husband's illicit affair, state media said on Tuesday. The woman from southwestern Chongqing city said she uncovered the affair when their mynah began saying things like "Divorce," "I love you" and "Be patient" after it overheard the husband's telephone calls with his mistress, the Xinmin Evening News said. The woman said she noticed the feathered tattle-tale's strange new vocabulary after she returned from a month-long visit with her parents that started in May. Already suspecting her husband was having an affair, she observed that the bird became particularly talkative whenever the telephone rang, confirming her suspicions, the report said. Last week she brought the bird to a law office for consultation, hoping it could testify in court. "Can my mynah be used as witness?" the newspaper quoted her as asking. Lawyers were not optimistic. "The judges are unlikely to rule against your husband based only on the mynah's words," attorney Wu Di was quoted as telling her.

The Crappy Man by derrymacash
(To the tune of "The Croppy Boy")

'Twas early, early all in the spring
When the small birds whistled and did sweetly sing
Changing their notes from tree to tree
And the song they sang was "He cheats on thee"

I am a lecherous, inconstant blade
As before the altar, my vows I made
I crossed my fingers behind my back
To cut myself a little slack

My honeymoon was barely o'er
When I was grappling on the parlour floor
With a lady fair, who was not my wife
Who I swore to cherish for all my life

Which started me on a sorry spree
A hundred women must have lain with me
And all the while we were overheard
By my loving wife's precious mynah bird

Every gasp and every pant and groan
Were captured by this avian dictaphone
To be transmitted at a later date
To my life partner and my true bedmate

Oh all you men who like to play away
Take my advice or you will rue the day
Oh, courting's pleasure, but be prepared
Don't carry on with her fornent a bird

'Twas early, early all in the spring
When the small birds whistled and did sweetly sing
Changing their notes from tree to tree
And the song they sang was "He cheats on thee"