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The Song Challenge:   He's A Long, Tall Surgeon -- (Indianapolis, IN) A spokesperson for the MidWest Medical Center announced today that the hospital would remove all spittoons from its surgical intensive care unit, following complaints by patients. "This has all been a colossal misunderstanding, and we want to put it behind us", said hospital spokesman Henry O'Toole. According to O'Toole, the 19th century-style saliva receptacles had been placed in the intensive care unit by Dr. Nick Testa, a staff surgeon. Anonymous sources within the hospital described Dr. Testa's reputation as a surgical "cowboy", a part he had increasingly tried to play to the maximum. "First people were just referring to him as a 'cowboy' because he basically took anyone to the OR, no matter what their problem was", said the source. "Then about five years ago, he started wearing hand-tooled cowboy boots...OK, lots of surgeons do that." Apparently several staff were upset when Dr. Testa tried last month to operate on a patient wearing a Lone Ranger style mask, after earlier wearing a bandana pulled up over his handlebar moustache, instead of a standard surgical mask. "He was just yelling: 'This IS my mask, this IS my mask', when they tried to get him out of the OR", according to Sally Stevens, a MidWestern scrub nurse. Many staff members regarded as amusing Testa's practice of carrying his stethoscope in a holster, drawing it with a rapid motion when he intended to examine a patient. However, when Testa brought three large brass spittoons into the surgical intensive care unit, patients and their families began to complain. Testa's habit of chewing tobacco and spitting towards the spittoons reportedly became increasingly disruptive to intensive care unit staff, who frequently had to change intravenous lines and dressings when Testa missed his mark. According to O'Toole, Dr. Testa is currently on vacation in Montana, and so is unavailable for comment.


The Cowboy by Mugwa

I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
Wore hand-tooled cowboy boots
With a Lone Ranger style mask
He always had his holster
And tobacco for the chewing
He owned 3 large brass spittoons

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
Course he was some kinda doctor
At MidWest Medical Center
The OR as I seem to recall
He'd operate on anybody
If there was something he could do

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
His holster held his stethoscope
He drew it like a gun
Wore a Lone Ranger mask to operate
His spittoons were in surgical ICU
He often missed his mark

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
His patients were pissed
His coworkers were miffed
And the nurse were plan going crazy
Till the center stepped in
And roped their mad cowboy surgeon

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
But then he was roped and wrangled
And made to give up his ways
But he couldn't stand it
So he took himself a vacation
Now he's a cowboy in Montana

Oh, I once knew a cowboy from Indiana
Testa was his name
a cowboy from Indiana
a cowboy from Indiana
oh yeah

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