SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Don't Ya Crawl Too Slow, Move Along Lil' Suckahs . . .    – DULUTH, Minnesota (AP) -- Phil DeVore thinks of himself as a rancher.  But he doesn't ride the range tending his herd, he just drops meat scraps into the pond.  DeVore raises leeches on his farm south of Superior, Wisconsin.  He says the little suckers are like black gold.   The leeches are prized by fisherman as bait.  DeVore tells the Duluth, Minnesota, News Tribune he's working 20 hours a day this time of year to keep up with demand.  DeVore's jumbo leeches sell for about 16 dollars a pound -- more expensive than steak.  He says even if he wanted to eat leeches, he couldn't afford it.


The Castration of the Raspberry Leech by Amos
(Tune: Strawberry Roan (Click to Play))


I was layin' round town in a house in Duluth,
Laid up with a dame who used ganja fer truth
When a hop-head from Cheesetown came up with a grin
Says "I bet you're a gambler, I'ld bet you a fin".

With his arm 'round mah shoulders he sez, "Now youngblood,
You any damn good at tamin' wild studs?"
I says, "That's for sartain! As sure as yore white,.
I've had so much damn practice that I got it down right".

"Bring on your bad animules, I never saw one
That had me a guessin' or bothered me none."
He said. "Well, now maybe -- but, with all yer fine speech,
It's clear you ain't heard of the Raspberry Leech."

I says, "I guess we've all heard of that verminous sucker,
He's got glanders and crud, he's a mean mother f***er
He took over the lakes here way back in '68,
And until '86 he was the bane of this state."

"Wal, the stories I've heard, he's the King of the leeches,
He left slime on the roadways and spawn on the beaches,
An' I heard it took 10 men and twenty wild roans
Jes' tuh drag him to Wisconsin, so he'd leave us alone!"

"But you don't know my story, an' you don't know yer man,
Cuz I know I can tame him, if anyone can!
But the man said, "Ya know, this bet still depends,
'Cuz I don't want him tamed, I want his vas deferens!"

Chorus:
Oh! that Raspberry Leech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech!
There's no way of countin' the offspring he's thrown!
Got teeth like a moray, he'll suck blood from a stone!
An' he screams like a bearcat, with an unholy screech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech

Wal, he gave me a paper, an' I signed it I guess
An' we traveled all night on the Midwest Express
An' I woke up at sunrise with fear in my chest,
And the town of Superior ten miles to the west

Wal, he fed me, and wined me, and made me feel tough,
He assured me that Leech never could have the stuff,
Then he hands me a razor, an' he hands me a strop
An' he tells me to make like a birth-control cop!

Well I wanders toward the pond with a whip and a creel,
I've mah twine at the ready and an edge on mah steel,
But the first time I saw him, mah heart took the fall --
He was big as a pick-up, an' most of it balls!

Wal it took all that day, an' most of the night
I wuz whuppin' an' slashin' with alla my might,
I was covered with sores an' I was covered in shit,
But ah kept on, cuz Ma said, "A man doesn't quit!"

Wal, he roared and he slammed , and he screeched and he bit
And I thought more'n once I had lost me a tit
But I snapped hard on that bull-whip, an' he reared up and then
With a twist of my wrist, I cut his vas deferens.

Chorus:
Oh! that Raspberry Leech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech!
There's no way of countin' the offspring he's thrown!
Got teeth like a moray, he'll suck blood from a stone!
An' he screams like a bearcat, with an unholy screech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech

The boss pulled me out, an' he says, "Boy, you done won!,
You done gone and did whut no-one coulda done
Wal, ya won fair an' square, so I'll buy you a feed,
An' fer payoff, well, here is yer full title deed!

Well, Ah, picked up my hat, whar it lay on the ground,
An' ah read thet there paper, an' I knocked that dude down,
But I couldn't escape it, 'cuz Ah won the bet square,
An' my Ma says "A real man, he allus plays fair!"

So I live here alone in the stink of their scum,
A-roundin' up leech-colts like some pore farmer bum,
But Ah still dream at night of the turrible squalls,
The day Ole Raspberry had to give up his balls,

Chorus:
Oh! that Raspberry Leech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech!
There's no way of countin' the offspring he's thrown!
Got teeth like a moray, he'll suck blood from a stone!
An' he screams like a bearcat, with an unholy screech!
Oh! That Raspberry Leech

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