SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   But I Want To Get To Know You . . . (Hove, East Sussex, England)  A lapdancing club has applied to the local council for a variance to its licence to allow blind patrons to touch performers.   The Pussycats Club in Hove complained that the strict no touching clause in its current licence discriminates against the blind.  Kenneth McGrath, director of the club, took up the issue with Brighton and Hove council after two blind men visited Pussycats with a stag party of sighted friends.   They wanted to touch the girls, explaining that, if they could, it would give them a better idea of what the exotic dancers looked like.  The club's licence forbids any physical contact between dancers and guests except when customers feel the need to place banknotes in the dancer's garters.   Mr. McGrath said: "Both men said they very much enjoyed the dances and sensed highly the proximity of the dancers and, in particular, enjoyed the smell of their perfume.  Given their disability, they felt controlled touching ought to be permitted for registered blind persons only and with the dancer's consent (and) that touching should be voluntary and restricted to the breasts and only when the dancer is wearing a bra and not topless.  The dancer would retain full control, taking one hand of the blind customer and placing it on her breasts while dancing for an agreed time."   A council spokesman said:  "We would consider any application for a variance of the lapdancing licence once we receive it." 

The Blonde From Bristol By Micca, Áine, MMario, Bardford and "Ephemera Globula"

The blind man declared what's the fuss
This new club is just right for us
We're just thrilled to bits
By a feel of her tits
But actually, I came on the bus

But sir, said Sue on the Swing, 
You don't know what your token will bring, 
For it's hot when I dance, 
Even without my pants, 
And that's such a nice cool little thing! 

The music and perfume-like soap
Are filling my heart full of hope
But the miserable gits
That in the town hall sits
Won't relax and let me have a grope

"Alas," said a tall buxom lass, 
"Them councilors really are crass, 
When they're in here, you know, 
Their noses do grow, 
And they've been known to beat their own brass!"

As upwards her knickers did sail
He was running his hands o'er her tail
He said "Oh my dear
The spots on your rear
Spell dirty old man here in Braille."

Oh Micca, you dirty ol' man, 
If you'll follow the dots with your hand, 
You'll 'see' that they spell, 
In big letters as well, 
'If you liked the foothills, the mountains are swell!'

Said the Blonde as she bared her behind,
"A thought has just crossed my mind
We've a problem I fear
With the Pussy in here
And his seeing eye dog for the blind."

"But the Pussy has had all its shots,"
Said the lass with the shiny brass pots, 
"If your puppy gets sniffy,
I'll fix that in a jiffy,
Cuz I've petted wee pooches, a lot!"

The old boy was getting quite wistful
While fondling the young lady's Bristol
"This fine piece of treasure
has raised my blood pressure
I'm as hot as a two dollar pistol"

The blind man declared "If she's stacked I'll
Resort to perception by tactile!
Though response may get brisk
It is well worth the risk
To discover the Globula Lactile!"

"My dear man," said the lady from Bristol, 
"You've taken more than a fistful," 
"Just above my behind, 
There's a badge you will find, 
I'm arresting your dog and your pistol!" 

"But the time I was having was wicked
And now I just feel I've been tricked"
The copper said, "Man,
"Just get in the van.
Your collars been felt and your nicked"

Two songbook contenders from MudCat
Swapped lyric and verse at a dropped-hat
When the rest read their rhyme
They had a far better time
Than if at home they had all sat

I hope you will all pardon me
While I touch on my epiphany
But by keeping abreast
Of this thread, I suggest,
I was blind but now I see.

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