SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Let's Have Another Cup of Cat Cra . . . uh, Coffee   – Well, it seems that the coffee market is being undermined by runaway planting in Vietnam and Indonesia, flooding the market with cheap coffee.  Meanwhile, consumption has been relatively flat.  A Starbucks on every corner doesn't mean people are drinking more coffee; thus, the proliferation of gourmet offerings as customers' tastes continuing to get more rarefied.  One coffee retailer in Atlanta sells something called "luwak" coffee, which it claims is picked by the common palm civet (Paradoxurus hermaphrodites), often described as catlike, but probably better thought of as an Asian version of a raccoon, coati or kinkajou.  The palm civet is also known as the 'toddy cat,' for its fondness for the palm juice that is tapped to make a sweet liquor.  On coffee plantations, palm civets dine heavily on coffee cherries.  However, they digest only the outer pulp of fruit, passing the coffee beans unharmed through their digestive systems.  And because palm civets repeatedly deposit their droppings in piles at the same spots, the coffee beans are easily collected, roasted then brewed into kopi luwak--civet coffee.  Kopi luwak is reputedly the best of all coffees because palm civets pluck and eat only the most perfectly ripe cherries!  The price of a pound of kopi luwak coffee?  $300.00.  Whether the beans are affected as they go through the animal's gut is also unknown. For that matter, there is some debate about whether coffee called kopi luwak was ever anywhere near a palm civet.  Asked how he knew the beans were really collected from civet scats, one coffee company representative said, "We operate on trust."  As for the taste, he described the brew as "gamey".   One dealer described the same scene being repeated every time he tells someone about luwak coffee:  "At some point in the story, when you explain how this cat eats only the perfectly ripe coffee cherries, the listener gets this cautious look on his face, and says, "Are you telling me that..." and the dealer always nods and says, "Yes, that's exactly right. Roasted cat-shit for $300 a pound."


The Beans Come Back by mousethief
(Tune: The Cat Came Back)

Old Vietnam sells a coffee all its own
It has a special taste, like none I've ever known
They tried and they tried to keep civet cats away
But the civets come and eat their coffee cherries all the day

But the beans come back the very next day
The beans come back, in a pile of kitty guano
Yeah the beans come back, and they're worth much more that way.

Many years ago in the land of Vietnam
A coffee farmer found that all his coffee beans were gone
But there beneath the tree was a pile of civet poo
Chock full o' next month's revenue -- tell me, what would YOU do?

Yeah the beans came back the very next day
The beans came back, he didn't stop to ponder
That the beans came back -- he sold them anyway.

He gave them to a man who had "Starbucks" on his hat
He said, "now these aren't beans, are they, a civet cat has shat?"
The farmer hemmed and hawwed, but he was an honest man.
"Yes," he said, and the buyer put more money in his hand

Because the beans came back the very next day
The beans came back, and it kinda makes you wonder
Yes the beans came back, with an exquisite taste they say

Then the geniuses at Starbucks roasted up these special beans
The ones that had been processed by a civet's in-betweens
They call it Kopi Luwak and it's quite the biggest hit
The people stand and drink it and say, "What is this shit?"

Because the beans come back the very next day
The beans come back like the revenge of Montezuma
Yeah the beans come back. Will you drink them? I say NAY!

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

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