SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Punter Shop Pilferer Put In Pokey By Poo On Shoe -- SYDNEY (Reuters) - A glob of dog excrement on a Queensland robber's shoe has been used as evidence to identify him, landing him with a 10-year stretch for a betting shop hold-up on Australia's Gold Coast.  Police said Thursday they had used enhanced photos from a security camera to match the pattern of excrement found at the crime scene to that on 26-year-old Jacob Smith's shoe.  "It's not rocket science. It's as plain as poo on your shoe," police sergeant Alan Piper, a veteran scientific officer, was quoted by local media as saying.  "It could have been one of a thousand or ten thousand shoes, but because that poo was there it was creating a great big feature that allowed us to go to a positive identification."  "I'd say there has been some more poo on the shoe but it has worn away," said Piper, who admitted to also doing a smell test.  Smith, who had wrapped a sheet around his face to hide his identity during the heist, was jailed in June for 10 years and 10 months on charges of robbery, being armed and in company and unlawful use of a motor vehicle.


The Tell-Tale Turd by McGrath of Harlow
(Tune: "Click Go The Shears" of course.)

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.

Lying on me back and a sniffing at the smell
Rising from the boots that have put me in the cell
I'm a robber with a difference, more especially when I'm shod,
And I haven't got no mates, they call me "Smelly little sod".

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.

I walked into the bookies, "Put your hands in the air"
I didn't think to look at the doggie standing there.
I didn't think to look, no, I wasn't thinking well,
And I put me foot right in it, and they tracked me by the smell.

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.

Oh curse that bloody dog, I've been landed in the shit,
And I can't stand Rolf Harris, not a single bloody bit.
I'm serving out me sentence, and I'm holding of me nose,
And I wish that I was taller, and was further from me toes.

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.

I had a prison visit from dear old Uncle Tom
"You're a shame to all Australia, why you smell just like a pom.
You're a bloody liability, and I'll tell you short and sweet,
Give up the bloody robbing – and go wash your bloody feet."

Shit on me shoes, boys, shit shit shit
Locked in a cell, and I feel so sick,
They dragged me into jail though I never said a word
But I'm cursing that old mongrel with the tell-tale turd.

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