Swedes And Tarts And Kippers by Big John


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Pair Of Pensioners May Be Punters, But They're Not Prudes! -- A pair of Norwegian pensioners robbed by two strippers say they don't mind because it's a long time since they had so much fun. Arne and Oystein Tokvam, aged 73 and 80, say they invited the women to their home after meeting in a shop. The women then did a striptease before saying they needed the toilet. When they failed to re-appear the brothers realised they'd been robbed of £4,600 cash. "It's too bad about the money, but we just have to take it with good humour," Arne told the Bergens Tidende newspaper. "We're looking at it as entertainment. Very expensive, but absolutely entertaining." Local police in the small mountain town of Flam in Sogn og Fjordane are taking the theft far more seriously than its two victims. They cordoned off a large area around the brothers' home and have warrants out for the two women.

Swedes And Tarts And Kippers by Big John
(Try this to the air of "The Brisk Young Tailor")

It's of two frisky Nordic lads this story I'll relate
They went to do the shopping and their Mom said "don't be late"
But they forgot the shopping list of swedes and tarts and kippers
And ended up that night instead with Swedish tarts turned strippers.

Chorus:
That night, that night, that night, my boys that night
They ended up that night in bed with Swedish tarts turned strippers.

In truth they had been drinking of a glass or two of wine
And it was great they got home late at twenty five past nine
Ostein and young Arnie brought home a comely pair
With shapely hips, protruding tits and long blond curly hair

Chorus:
Blond hair etc.

The girls accommodated all of Arne's basic needs
And Ostein, not to be outdone just followed Arne's leads
The girls performed a ballet in which all their clothes were shed
While Ostein and young Arne being exhausted went to bed

Chorus:
To bed etc.

And then the girls did something which the programme didn't list
They gathered up the krona when they knew the guys were pissed
And then they took the morning flight straight to the Spanish sun
And now the cops are looking for two strippers on the run

Chorus:
The run etc.

Now Ostein and young Arne's lives will never be the same
They're visited quiet freqently by young girls on the game
"We'll do a strip for a measley tip of just a thousand pounds
And for twenty more, like any whore, we'll do another round

Chorus:
A round etc. ........