SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Maybe it was the tin-foil panties, maybe it's the summer heat, maybe it's our brand new grill; but, I find myself 'lusting in my heart' for some barbequed spare ribs, don't you?  That must be why I've picked this Challenge! idea from Roger the skiffler this time . . .   I can't help myself, I'd just love to see -- Babe On The Block -- From Roger the skiffler (22-Jun-01) I offer this as a possible future challenge, scope for sentimental song:   (BTW the pig was saved by the judge).  The owner of a retired celebrity pig is fighting a legal battle to save him from the foot-and-mouth slaughter. Grunty, a rare Maori kune kune pig, starred in a children's television film and has his own website.  But his fame did not stop an inspector from the Department for Environment Food and Rural Affairs (Defra) from ordering him to be culled under the foot-and-mouth regulations.  Grunty's farm in Somerset was condemned because his owner had visited another of her holdings, which turned out to be infected.  Rosemary Upton, of Hill Farm, Stawley, near Wellington, Somerset, is applying for permission to seek a judicial review.   Appearing for her, Stephen Smith QC, suggested that Grunty had a much stronger case for survival than Phoenix the calf, saved after a blaze of publicity in April.  Grunty starred in Pig at the Ritz on Channel Five and in pleasanter times has accompanied Mrs. Upton on trips to the local village.

Mmmmmmmm -- this Challenge! sounds finger-licking good!!  (now where did I put that Worchester Sauce???).


Streets of Old Stawley (Grunty's Lament) by Trapper
(Tune: Streets of Laredo / Words by Al Boyce 8/6/2001)

Trapper's Comments: Well . . . belatedly . . . here's my entry.   I figure the judge COULD have ruled the OTHER way . . .

With my gumboots I walked in the pigpens of Stawley,
With my gumboots I walked in old Stawley one day,
I spied a young porker all wrapped up in parsley
Apple in mouth, and as cold as the clay.

"Oh, bake my ham slowly, my hocks pickle coldly,
My intestines makes sausages both thick and long,
Take me to the roaster and baste juices o'er me
For I'm a young piglet and my owner's done wrong."

"I see by your white smock that you're an inspector"
These words he did snort as I stepped in his sty.
"Come wallow beside me and hear my sad story,
Foot-and-Mouth's got me, and I know I must die."

"Let sixteen butchers come carry my carcass,
Let sixteen barbecues roast my ribs long,
Take me to the picnic and swab the sauce o'er me
For I'm a poor hog and my owner's done wrong."

"My friends and relations, have all become bacon,
To the roadhouse in heaven their swine-souls have gone",
He first came to Somerset, a retired TV actor,
Oh, I'm a young piglet and my owner's done wrong."

"Go gather around you a crowd of young oinkers,
And tell them the story of this, my sad fate;
Tell one and the other before they go further
To escape from old Stawley before it's too late."

"It was once in the bush in New Zealand I rambled
Among the Maori I used to go play,
Then captured, transported and made to make movies,
Now for infected gumboots, I am dying today."

"Get six jolly waiters to carry my platter,
Get six waitresses carrying baked beans and slaw,
Put slices of cornbread aside of my platter,
Put cans out to catch the rib bones as they fall."

"Then spin the grate slowly, swing your spatula lowly,
And let them all drool as you carry me along,
And in the grill throw me, let the charcoal bake o'er me
For I'm a young piglet and my owner's done wrong."

"Go bring me a trough, a trough of cold slop-wash
To cool my parched snout," the poor porker said;
Before the spit turned, the spirit had left him
And gone to Hog Heaven --- the piglet was dead.

We ate his ham slowly and chewed his ribs lowly,
And knawed on his hocks as the day wore along,
For we all loved our Grunty, on TV so funny,
But barbecue's delicious, we ate him all gone!

Back to Top