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SONG CHALLENGE!S FROM THE PAST
Part 76 through 100
Back to Song Challenges From The Past
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 76
(14–Dec–01)
E-E-E-E-EEK! The Elves Are Armed And Claus Is Wearing Kevlar! -- Santas will be feeling oh-so-secure from rowdy children at shopping malls this year, now that the Freeport Leisure company is employing personal bodyguards for their costumed St. Nicks at their six factory outlet sites. The company is also telling their red-clad employees to wear extra padding. A company spokesman told the Evening Gazette: "Last year Santa received a number of tugs and pulls from over-exuberant children, which led to him getting a bit roughed up." "And there was an incident at one of the centres last year where there was a bit more to it than that. So this year we have decided to give Santa a bit of extra protection." Tindi Sorber, group marketing manager for Freeport Leisure, said children would still be encouraged to tug Santa's beard as part of the Christmas tradition. "We don't mind a tug - in fact we encourage it. It's all part of the Christmas tradition. However, last year Santa reported the odd bruise, so we've heeded his call and left nothing to chance," he said.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 77
(19–Dec–01)
No Room On The Xerox For Virgin Berths -- Bosses at Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Mobile scuppered plans to have photocopiers at their Christmas party so staff could scan their bottoms. The idea was to recreate a television advertisement for the firm featuring former All Saints star Melanie Blatt, in which she does the same. But the stunt was dropped after the company's legal advisers stepped in and ruled it unsafe. More than 1,000 Virgin Mobile employees attended the firm's Christmas party on Tuesday at a nightclub in the Wiltshire town of Trowbridge. It featured performances from the pop group Liberty and DJ Boy George. A spokeswoman for the firm said she had heard about the idea to install reinforced photocopiers in the club as a gag after the success of the advertisement. She said she understood it had come from someone else in their communications department, but was rejected by legal experts. "Somebody had been talking about it early on, but it wouldn't have been allowed for legal reasons," the spokeswoman said. "It's unfortunate because it would be a good laugh." And it appears that the ban-the-bums barristers might have an ally in the form of Officials at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, who say workers risk cutting themselves on broken copier glass. They say the Virgin mobile phone ad of Melanie Blatt photocopying her backside is "daft and irresponsible". Spokesman Roger Vincent is warning office workers not to be tempted to make photocopied backsides "this year's festive trend". He told The Sun: "Inhibitions are loosened after a few drinks and people show off. We don't want copying backsides to become this year's festive trend. "Someone could find themselves in a hospital casualty ward this Christmas instead of at home with their families. "Sitting on a photocopier is very dangerous. We don't want to be killjoys but advise people to stick to good old-fashioned mistletoe."
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 78
(31–Dec–01)
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, But Rita Got Returned To Wal-Mart OMAHA, Nebraska (Reuters) - A Nebraska woman who received an ornate box for Christmas and returned it to Wal-Mart without looking inside discovered later it contained the ashes of her recently deceased sister, a newspaper reported on Friday. Judy Money received the box as a gift from her brother who lives in Iowa. But after unwrapping the package on Christmas Eve she saw the box had a broken knob and decided to return it to Wal-Mart without ever looking at the contents inside, the Omaha World-Herald reported. When Money later confessed to her brother that she had returned his gift, he told her the box contained the ashes of their sister, who had died Dec. 11, the Herald said. Marvin Tippery, Money's brother, told the Herald he was shocked when he found out she had returned the box. "No, no, you didn't! Your sister was in there," the Herald quoted him as telling Money. Money told the Herald she made a mad dash back to Wal-Mart, but the box had already been thrown out with the trash. Money and her brother finally found the box on Thursday amid trash piles at an area landfill. "My prayers have been answered," she told the Herald. "Just the thought of having her in the dump was awful."
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 79
(06–Jan–02)
Naughty Naturalists Nabbed in Night-Vision Nasty –– A couple at a lakeland holiday park were caught naked on cameras meant to monitor the movements of badgers. The pair ventured into the snowy woods at the Oasis Village, near Penrith in Cumbria. Their romp was beamed into every hotel bedroom on a special channel trained on the badger set. The night-vision camera caught the couple in the early hours of the morning. The woman kept her bobble hat on, reports the News of the World. The pair stopped when they heard a sound and quickly put their clothes on before being chased by a security guard with a torch. The identity of the couple has not been revealed.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 80
(18–Jan–02)
Brit Flits Nix Knicks! -- London (August 2001) Female athletes competing for Britain in the World Championships say their official team knickers are too skimpy. The runners are worried they will be flashing their bottoms at spectators. Officials say they don't want athletes to feel uncomfortable and have allowed them to wear last year's Olympic kit. Kathy Butler, who is competing in the 5000m at the championships in Canada, says the small knickers have left athletes with a dilemma. "If you pull them up you can see your bum and when you pull them down you can see your hips. They just don't fit properly," she said. She added: "I can't find my old Olympic ones, so I'll be wearing the hipsters." A spokesman for UK Athletics said that officials have given the all-clear for runners to wear last year's design. "Something had to be done. We can't ask our top athletes to run 25 laps wearing something they feel uncomfortable in," he said.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 81
(22–May–02)
Gadzooks, Batman, It's the G-String Gang! Holy Underwear! -- LONDON (Reuters) - Cheeky thieves, dubbed the "G-string Gang" by the British press, made off with thousands of pounds worth of racy underwear after a daylight raid on upmarket lingerie designer Agent Provocateur, a spokesman said on Tuesday. The central London headquarters of Agent Provocateur, a favorite among celebrities such as Kate Moss and Liz Hurley, was burgled over the weekend by thieves who carried off 27,000 pounds ($40,000) worth of lacy bras, knickers and corsets as well as shoes and jewelry. "We were all working upstairs when it appears the thieves broke down the front door and managed to steal the collections from the basement," said Agent Provocateur founder Joe Corre. But the thieves, who got away with the fashion house's new collection, had not made an intelligent choice in targeting such an exclusive boutique, he said. "The very nature of the designs, being so distinctive, renders them instantly recognizable, making it easier to track the thieves down, whatever they try to do with the collection." Agent Provocateur is known for its sexy, slinky and expensive designs which include one-off corsets, suspenders, stockings and G-strings. A spokesman for London's Metropolitan Police said the burglary was being investigated but there was no description of the suspects.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 82
(03–Jun–02)
Pair Of Pensioners May Be Punters, But They're Not Prudes! -- A pair of Norwegian pensioners robbed by two strippers say they don't mind because it's a long time since they had so much fun. Arne and Oystein Tokvam, aged 73 and 80, say they invited the women to their home after meeting in a shop. The women then did a striptease before saying they needed the toilet. When they failed to re-appear the brothers realised they'd been robbed of £4,600 cash. "It's too bad about the money, but we just have to take it with good humour," Arne told the Bergens Tidende newspaper. "We're looking at it as entertainment. Very expensive, but absolutely entertaining." Local police in the small mountain town of Flam in Sogn og Fjordane are taking the theft far more seriously than its two victims. They cordoned off a large area around the brothers' home and have warrants out for the two women.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 83
(09–Jun–02)
Casuarina Club Coach Spells Speed With A 'C' -- (Darwin, Australia 30/6/01) An Australian coach is using a crocodile in the pool to encourage his swimmers to improve their speeds. Mark Davies, from Casuarina Crocs Swimming Club in Darwin, says the technique improves his squad's performance. Local swimming authorities say he'll have to use a private pool if he wants to continue using the crocodile while the Australian Institute of Sport has condemned the technique. Mr Davies is unrepentant. He told Australian newspaper The Telegraph: "The thought of something chasing them down the pool certainly improves the speeds of my swimmers." Before the 1.8-metre saltwater crocodile is lowered into the water, its jaw is bound with tape and its claws are clipped.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 84
(14–Jun–02)
This Pony In Panties Ain't No Poser! (Ellensburg, WA) -- You can see some pretty strange things in Ellensburg. Miniature horses are the first thing visitors notice as they pull up to the house of Cherry King and Jenny Calhoun, but the scene quickly gets even more bizarre. Out across the yard comes "Fat Butt" the miniature goat, as chickens, macaws, dogs, and a host of other pets begin to stir. The most unique of them all is Rosie, the two-foot tall miniature horse that has been trained to respond to 23 commands to help King, who is blind. "At a crosswalk, if a car is coming, she'll block me. There's nothing she can't do." That's right, a guide horse for the blind--one of only two in the country, the other is in Pennsylvania. Rosie goes everywhere--to the grocery store, the hospital, everywhere. And they get strange looks at every turn. Before going anywhere, Rosie is fitted with a harness, a blanket, and even specially designed horse panties---yes horse panties. "She's potty-trained," says King "But as a precaution, she wears panties." It's not just a diaper or shorts; the horse actually wears silky red panties with a thick lining and a hole for her tail. Watching a 24-inch tall horse strut her stuff in red panties makes all of the other aspects of the story seem a little more run-of-the-mill. After all, in a world where tiny horses wear panties...? By the time Rosie climbs into the back of the Toyota Celica and heads into town, she's dolled up in full regalia, so it's no surprise when people slow down and heads turn when they see her climb out of the car in downtown Ellensburg. The head spinning is no surprise to King. The place where people are most shocked by Rosie is in restaurants, where the horse often sits under the table during meals, only to emerge when its time to go, startling patrons in nearby booths. Like a guide dog, Rosie can legally go everywhere, so when Ellensburg residents see a tiny horse walking up and down the aisles of the local supermarket, check for panties. It's probably just Rosie.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 85
(15–Jul–02)
'I See Your Future Growing Bigger And Bigger' (Hamburg, Germany) A German clairvoyant is reading his clients' futures by feeling their naked bottoms. Ulf Buck says buttocks have similar lines to those on the hand, which can be read. The 39-year-old, who's been blind since he was three, says the bottom is more 'intense' than the hand. He says a reading can give information about his clients' personalities as well as their future wealth, happiness and health. Mr Buck from Meldorf, northwest of Hamburg, says he's attracting all kinds of clients including a soap star and a stockbroker. He also says being blind helps to relax his customers as they know they'll remain anonymous and that he doesn't get a thrill from the buttock reading, adding he's happily married.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 86
(20–Jul–02)
Maybe We Otter've Brought Some Brews, Eh? (London) - Two Canadian otters at a sanctuary in Scotland have been placed under 24-hour protection from aggressive local otters who are confused by their "foreign accents," a newspaper reported Wednesday. The National Sea Life Sanctuary in Oban has installed an electric fence and surveillance cameras to protect its Canadian guests, Fingal and Sula, according to The Independent. Though almost twice the size of their wild Scottish relatives, the pair are disadvantaged by their foreign accents and scent. "Dialects are common in animal communications, but because of the differences in the sounds they make it will be difficult for these Canadian otters to communicate with the native ones," Matthew Evans, an animal communications expert from Stirling University, was quoted as saying. "There is no doubt dropping two foreign otters into a territory of wild locals would lead to the local ones beating the living daylights out of the new ones," he added. The pair arrived at the center's Otter Creek on the banks of Loch Creran a year ago and are currently being housed in an indoor seal pup nursery.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 87
(22–Aug–02)
He May Be Small, But He Ain't No Two-Bit Hamster! -- (Northampton, England, Thursday 22nd August 2002) A schoolboy who took his hamster on a bus journey to visit his grandmother was charged a 10p fare for the pet. Jordan Underwood, 10, from King's Heath, Northampton, was stunned when after paying his own 55p fare, the bus driver demanded an extra 10p to allow Nibbles on board. Bus company First Northampton has reportedly launched an investigation into the incident. The animal was a gift from his 83-year-old grandmother to keep him company during the school holidays. Jordan said: "I got on the bus and the man was saying what a lovely hamster it was. He said (the fare) was 55p and then looked at Nibbles and told me it was another 10p for him. I don't think it was fair because you don't have to pay for dog or babies and their 10 times bigger. He didn't even use a seat because I put him on the floor and he was in a cage so he wasn't going to chew anything." Jordan added Nibbles was "shocked" by the ordeal and they would both continue to use the buses but hoped that they didn't meet the same driver again. His father, Todd, said: "There is a serious side to this, because he is only a little boy, and he might not have had enough money to get the bus back."
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 88
(30–Aug–02)
What Happens When A Bird Brain . . .A part-time inventor who went for a woodland stroll to test out his latest contraption - a bird-feeding hat - suffered whiplash after he was knocked over by a hungry squirrel. Mike Madden, 48, was walking through woods near his house in Huddersfield, northern England, when a large grey squirrel spied the nuts on a feeding tray mounted on top of his headgear. The squirrel leaped from the top of a tree and landed with such force that Mr Madden was knocked to the ground and suffered whiplash injuries. He said: "I was out walking through the woods with my friend Craig Bailey. We had only just started the walk when 'kaboom' - I was on the floor. I didn't see much of what happened, but Craig told me he saw the squirrel flying through the air and land right on my head." Mr Madden designed the hat so birds could use it while he was walking because he was concerned about their winter food supplies. He said: "Someone told me afterwards that with it coming up to winter and food being so short, squirrels can be quite aggressive and opportunistic. I wish I had known that before. I've always liked squirrels - but once you've had one land on your head travelling about 30 mph you can easily go off them." Mr Madden says his bird feeder was destroyed in the assault and he has vowed not to build another. . . . Meets A Bird Woman? A woman found living up a tree in Italy told police she had been kicked out of her home by her husband. The 41-year-old woman was arrested when she started throwing chestnuts at the policemen who spotted her. Tania Dasilva told officers she had been kicked out of her house in Teramo after a quarrel with her husband. She said she had "no intention whatsoever to leave the tree." The woman, who would not say when she was kicked out of the house, started throwing chestnuts at the policeman after they asked her to come down. She is currently being held at the local police station and has been charged with aggression. Police say they haven't been able to find her husband yet.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 89
(19–Sep–02)
Punter Shop Pilferer Put In Pokey By Poo On Shoe -- SYDNEY (Reuters) - A glob of dog excrement on a Queensland robber's shoe has been used as evidence to identify him, landing him with a 10-year stretch for a betting shop hold-up on Australia's Gold Coast. Police said Thursday they had used enhanced photos from a security camera to match the pattern of excrement found at the crime scene to that on 26-year-old Jacob Smith's shoe. "It's not rocket science. It's as plain as poo on your shoe," police sergeant Alan Piper, a veteran scientific officer, was quoted by local media as saying. "It could have been one of a thousand or ten thousand shoes, but because that poo was there it was creating a great big feature that allowed us to go to a positive identification." "I'd say there has been some more poo on the shoe but it has worn away," said Piper, who admitted to also doing a smell test. Smith, who had wrapped a sheet around his face to hide his identity during the heist, was jailed in June for 10 years and 10 months on charges of robbery, being armed and in company and unlawful use of a motor vehicle.
SONG CHALLENGE! Part 90
(01–Oct–02)
How Big Is That Emu In My Window? -- (HAMBURG, Germany) - An escaped emu caused confusion in Hamburg after a woman called police to report what she thought was a bare-chested man with two big white dots on his forehead staring into her window, police said on Friday. The large, flightless, Australian bird resembling an ostrich has been on the run from a local zoo since Thursday. "The woman heard someone tapping at the window at night and when she looked out she saw a head with two big eyes and a bare chest," a Hamburg police spokesman said. Officers said they knew there was an emu on the run and put two and two together after they found no one suspicious. "We're still looking for either a naked man with huge eyes or an emu," the spokesman added. The bird has escaped twice in two weeks. Last week it ran away and frightened a horse, but was eventually captured.