SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Thay That Again, You Thwollen Thongue Thevil -- A jury in Tavares, Florida, convicted Leal Fleming, 45, of drunk driving in November, despite his insistence that the reason he slurred his words to a police officer, and couldn't breathe into a breathalyzer, was that he had just been bitten on the tongue by a rat snake and was on his way to a hospital to get treatment for the swelling. Said Fleming after the trial, "After the verdict came in, I had some second thoughts (about not taking an offered plea bargain), but I still think there was a point to our defense."


A Snake-Bit Tongue by Amos
(Tune: Hell-Bound Train)

A Texas cowboy in a Florida bar,
Had drank until his brain was tar;
Keeled over on that barroom floor
His jaws wide open and startin' to snore

Down under the floorboards, a rat-snake slept
Ratsnake dreams, runnin' through his rat-snake head
When the floor starting shaking with a sound like a drum
The snoring of the drinker and the smell of old rum.

That snake was startled, and badly jarred,
He kinda unsprung without thinking too hard,
Through a knothole where that rummy had his big shnozzer hung,
And he left that cowhand with a snake-bit tongue!!

Well, Old Jack to his woozy feet did leap,
The ratsnake, he wandered back to bed to sleep;
Jack's jaw was stinging and his eyes did ache,
And his tongue felt as thick as a sirloin steak!

He grabbed for some water to cool his head,
But his tongue kept on swelling like Cajun bread,
It grew and it throbbed like a bleeder's lung,
He was bound for hell with that snake-bit tongue!

His boiler was filled with that red-eye rum,
And the devil was calling him to Kingdom Come;
There was only one place he could think to run --
To an ICU with his snake-bit tongue!

So he flew from the bar and into his truck,
Tore down the Coast Road like he was lightnin' struck,
His tongue kept on swelling and turning blue,
When he saw those flashers in his old rear-view.

When he finally stopped, in spite of all his pain,
And the cop strolled up and asked him to explain,
All he could muster was "Thee, it's thith way, thun"
Cuz he couldn't talk turkey with a snake bit tongue!

Well the ossifer had him step outside the car,
And breath in a tube, but it was much too hard,
"Well stick out your tongue and put your hand on your nose!"
The officer challenged, as his temper rose.

Well Jack had his finger up and opened up his jaw,
And the copped was stunned by the sight he saw!
Old Jack's mouth unfolded, to his waist it hung,
It was bright blue and ugly, was that snake-bit tongue!

So the copper changed his tune in the dark wet night,
Threw old Jack in his squadcar and flipped on those lights,
Drove him to the clinic where the job was done,
And they saved his ass from that snake-bit tongue!

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