SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   The Day That Saji's Sari Slipped and Baji's Bobbin Got Buffed . . . India's health minister has banned the use of condoms to lubricate bobbins used in weaving saris.  CP Thakur has told parliament sari makers are using condoms to speed up weaving because condom lubricant was also good at stopping yarn from snapping.    Mr. Thakur claims the use of so many condoms in the sari industry is affecting India's population control programme.    "Instructions have been issued to stop this practice," Mr Thakur said.  Mr Thakur says the use of condoms in weaving is causing shortages and instances of unscrupulous government health workers meant to distribute free condoms to contain population instead selling the condoms to sari makers.  Workers rub the condoms on bobbins while they make their brocade saris.   The industry is using an estimated half a million condoms every day.   Each of the 125,000 looms in the city of Varanasi uses an average four condoms per day.   It takes nearly 15 condoms to produce one Benarasi sari. The lubricant on the condom smoothens the bobbin and makes it move faster between threads..


The Slime from the Sin-Balloon by derrymacash
(It goes to the tune of "The Rising of the Moon". Here's hoping it finds favour)

"Oh then tell me, Father Farrell, tell me why you hurry so?
With righteous anger in your eyes and your cheeks are all a-glow?"
"Oh, then Barney dear, just whisht and hear, bad news I have to tell.
My vestments for the altar are the Handiwork of Hell."

The Handiwork of Hell � o
The Handiwork of Hell
My vestments for the altar are the Handiwork of Hell

"Oh tell me Father Farrell, whatever can you mean?
Sure those priestly robes were appliqu�d by Granny May Mulqueen
At each working of the needle, sure she bowed her head in prayer
That your gown would be a blessing and a source of joy to wear"

A source of joy to wear - o
A source of joy to wear
That your gown would be a blessing and a source of joy to wear

"I do not doubt oul' May Mulqueen, her heart is good and true
Her knees are sore with kneeling and her arse has grooved the pew
But I fear that she has been deceived, up the left she has been led
For the humours of the devil they are coating every thread"

Are coating every thread � o
Are coating every thread
The humours of the devil, they are coating every thread

"Our papal boss in Italy has spoken and decreed
Against artificial barriers between the egg and seed
And when I learnt its providence � I very nearly swooned
My priestly silk is coated in the slime of the sin-balloon"

The slime of the sin balloon � o
The slime of the sin balloon
My priestly silk is coated in the slime of the sin-balloon

I listened to his story and could scarce believe my ears
How this fiendish lubrication got from India to here
And how poor oul' Granny May Mulqueen, intent on pious deeds
Became a hapless scatterer of Satan's sordid seed

Satan's sordid seed � o
Satan's sordid seed
Became a hapless scatterer of Satan's sordid seed

We quickly built a bonfire down at Derryveagh crossroads
And, dripping with red diesel, in that fire we tossed those robes
And from the flames of righteousness, ten thousand demons fled
As the holy fire of exorcism purified the thread

Purified the thead � o
Purified the thread
As the holy fire of exorcism purified the thread

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