SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Brit Flits Nix Knicks!  London (August 2001) -- Female athletes competing for Britain in the World Championships say their official team knickers are too skimpy. The runners are worried they will be flashing their bottoms at spectators.  Officials say they don't want athletes to feel uncomfortable and have allowed them to wear last year's Olympic kit.  Kathy Butler, who is competing in the 5000m at the championships in Canada, says the small knickers have left athletes with a dilemma.  "If you pull them up you can see your bum and when you pull them down you can see your hips.  They just don't fit properly," she said.  She added: "I can't find my old Olympic ones, so I'll be wearing the hipsters."  A spokesman for UK Athletics said that officials have given the all-clear for runners to wear last year's design.  "Something had to be done. We can't ask our top athletes to run 25 laps wearing something they feel uncomfortable in," he said.


Skimpy Knicker Short Jeans by Sonja
(Tune: City Of New Orleans)

Ridin' up my backside in the back stretch,
Brand new knickers showin' half my tail.
Shift like thongs, shifting to low-riders
Seat constrictors (25 laps of hell!).

All around th' Olympic track, you see,
My tail sticks out in Calgary,
Racin' on past bleachers full of fans,
Passin' chicks that have no shame,
Shakin' their goods at all the men,
And the referees are watchin' our buts and cans.

Good grief! You lewd old men, how dare ya?
Why'd ya make me show of half me bum
When I'm goin' for gold in these Skimpy Knicker Short Jeans
And I'm doin' 5000 metres in the noonday sun?

Revealin' knickers from the old men in the board room--
Fanny a-flashin', buns a-chafin' sore.
Pass the Russian hag that runs full throttle;
Go for gold, show 'em what legs are for!
And the sons of bitches up there, buns in view, they leer,
While their fathers' granny glasses fog with steam.
Others think we babes are cheap, joggin' in the noonday heat,
And the schizm of our tails is all their dreams.

Good grief! You lewd old men, how dare ya?
Why'd ya make me show of half me bum
When I'm goin' for gold in these Skimpy Knicker Short Jeans
And I'm doin' 5000 metres in the noonday sun?

Right now in these Skimpy Knicker Short Jeans
Chafin' crotch is givin' me the creeps!
Halfway home and I'm half bare and squirming
Through the knickers-ripping race, just cursin' these *!@!ing briefs!
But as the howls and huzzah!s seem
To fade into a bad dream,
We speedy maids fin'lly hear the news.
The Committee says, "You poor, sweet dears,
Next time, you can wear last year's."
We gals got the dissappearin' knickers blues.

"All right, dear Kathy, we will spare ya!
Don't ya know we'd rather see you run.
You don't have to wear the Skimpy Knicker Short Jeans
When you run 5000 meters in the noonday sun!"

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