Shopping In The Nude by derrymacash


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The Song Challenge: Free Outfits For Nude Shoppers -- An Austrian clothing chain is offering shoppers $385 worth of free clothes if the customer enters the store completely naked. Streakers must make it as far as the checkout counter of any Kleider Bauer outlet, where they'll be greeted with a towel to cover up as well as a voucher to buy clothes for the trip home, the department store said in a statement last week. However, fearing an onslaught of shoppers from a nation not averse to baring all in public, only the first five strippers of the day at each of the 40 department stores will be rewarded. Naturally the store stands to win no matter what. One commentator noted that obviously more than 5 will show up to win, and those nudes will want to buy some clothes so they can leave with what little dignity they may have intact. No doubt, plenty of gawkers will show up to oggle the streakers, and they'll probably feel compelled to buy some clothes as well. And then of course, there's the owner who thought it all up who'll not only enjoy extra sales, but will get a free show as well.

Shopping In The Nude by derrymacash
(To the tune of Bringing In The Sheaves)

CHORUS:
Shopping in the nude
Shopping in the nude
Bare-arsed, naked, dangling
I am not a prude
In the altogether
I could shop forever
My favourite endeavour
Shopping in the nude

In the chiller section
Look at my reaction
I get a contraction
Shopping in the nude
So now you know the reason
I avoid things cold or freezing
I shrivel like a raisin
Shopping in the nude

CHORUS
I'd like to be less self-aware
But people tend to stop and stare
When they see me unclothed, bare
Shopping in the nude
Comparing peaches with my bum
(I'm not so hairy-arsed as some)
And then they fondle a couple of plums!
Shopping in the nude

CHORUS

I carry neither note nor coin
Penny, shilling, fiver, pound
They're difficult to tote around
Shopping in the nude
A credit card I've found is best
No change, no fuss, no weight, no mess
Where it's kept, I'll let you guess!
Shopping in the nude

CHORUS