SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Whoa, HOT PANTS! Good Lawd, That's Where It's At! -- Colorado Springs, Colorado, Jun 27, 2001 -- If you're thinking about going to the mall in that snappy aluminum-lined underwear in the back of your dresser drawer, think again.   Beginning Sunday, it will be illegal in Colorado to wear aluminum underwear.  OK, there's a caveat. You can wear aluminum briefs and lingerie as long as it's for personal amusement - but not if it is to help steal by foiling stores' anti-shoplifting devices.   The new law is no laughing matter ... really.  "This is serious business," said Sen. Stephanie Takis, one of the bill's sponsors.   "We have laws against using crowbars as theft devices, but if you were lining your underwear with aluminum foil, that was not a crime."  And by golly, said Takis, it should be.  She cited several Denver-area malls that have caught shoplifters with aluminum-lined shopping bags and even the so-called "iron pants" and could do nothing to stop it.   Steve Miller, an attorney who helped draft the bill:  "I don't know if it was the highlight of my career, but I got the assignment."  Miller said the bill went through several evolutions - "or devolutions depending on your viewpoint" - before it received Gov. Bill Owens' approval.  Essentially, it makes it a misdemeanor to make, wear or know others are wearing aluminum underwear if they intend to use it to fool stores' theft-protection devices.  Those devices electronically sense when merchandise leaving the store hasn't been handled by a cashier, and foil can interfere with that detection.   Miller said the new law also gives store employees civil and criminal immunity if they stop shoppers who crackle when they walk.


She Wore a Roll of Tin Foil by Trapper
(Tune: She Wore A Yellow Ribbon / New words by Al Boyce 7/25/2001)

Trapper's Comments: Here's my shameless attempt to win the Golden Cow Chip with Two-For-One Coupon . . . it's the SECOND to the last award I have to win . . . - Al, with his eyes on the "Whole Bag of Chips" next time . . .

Around her waist
She wore a roll of tin foil
She wore it 'neath her knickers
She crackled when she swayed
And when she shopped
She stored stuff in her tin foil
She'd stroll right past security
And wouldn't have to pay!

CHORUS 1:
Have to Pay!
Have to Pay!
She'd stroll right past security and wouldn't have to pay!
Around her waist she wore a roll of tin foil
She'd stroll right past security and wouldn't have to pay!

Around the store
She stuffed stuff down her knickers
Her underwear was bulging
With the stuff she'd stole that day
And when she passed
Anti-shoplifting devices
They wouldn't beep or buzz and then
She wouldn't have to pay!

CHORUS 2:
Have to Pay!
Have to Pay!
They wouldn't beep or buzz and then she wouldn't have to pay!
Around the store she stuffed stuff down her knickers
They wouldn't beep or buzz and then
She wouldn't have to pay!

And then one day
She stole some "Kopi Luwak"
300 dollar coffee from
A Starbucks-like cafe
The bag, foil-lined
Went likewise down her knickers
For coffee from a civet's butt
She shouldn't have to pay!

CHORUS 3:
Have to Pay!
Have to Pay!
For coffee from a civet's butt she shouldn't have to pay!
And then one day she stole some "Kopi Luwak"
For coffee from a civet's butt
She shouldn't have to pay!

The klaxons clanged
The red lights started flashing
Security arrested her
They threw her in the pen
Foil stuffed in foil
Short-circuited the scanner
She calmly said (with pun intended)
Curses, foiled again!

CHORUS 4:
Foiled again!
Foiled again!
She calmly said with pun intended, "Curses, foiled again!"
The klaxons clanged, the red lights started flashing
She calmly said with pun intended,
"Curses, foiled again!"

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