SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, But Rita Got Returned To Wal-Mart OMAHA, Nebraska (Reuters) - A Nebraska woman who received an ornate box for Christmas and returned it to Wal-Mart without looking inside discovered later it contained the ashes of her recently deceased sister, a newspaper reported on Friday.  Judy Money received the box as a gift from her brother who lives in Iowa.  But after unwrapping the package on Christmas Eve she saw the box had a broken knob and decided to return it to Wal-Mart without ever looking at the contents inside, the Omaha World-Herald reported.  When Money later confessed to her brother that she had returned his gift, he told her the box contained the ashes of their sister, who had died Dec. 11, the Herald said.  Marvin Tippery, Money's brother, told the Herald he was shocked when he found out she had returned the box.  "No, no, you didn't! Your sister was in there," the Herald quoted him as telling Money.  Money told the Herald she made a mad dash back to Wal-Mart, but the box had already been thrown out with the trash.  Money and her brother finally found the box on Thursday amid trash piles at an area landfill.  "My prayers have been answered," she told the Herald.  "Just the thought of having her in the dump was awful."


She Lies In The Dump (Like Grated Stale Cheese) by Calico
(Tune: The Man On The Flying Trapeze (George Leybourne))

Calico's Comments:  I'm posting this without knowing whether the competition is still open or not, and its hook line is stol . . . borrowed from Sonja's suggestions above.  Like our beloved Derrymacash sometimes does, I've used the newspaper story as a springboard for a flight of fancy that goes far beyond its details.

Once she was happy, thought life was a joke,
Like this small box with the handle that's broke;
Then she turned to MTV, twinkies, and coke
While she was still in her teens.

The man she called "Earl," he was handsome;
Taught her 'bout the birds and the bees.
Many men tried to please her and courted her well--
Till she died from a social disease.

(Chorus)
Now,
She lies in the dump like grated stale cheese,
Our darling young sister who did the strip tease.
Her movements were playful, all the boys she did please--
Now her ashes have been tossed away.

Our young sister's stage name was Flicka Yabick,
Tall, blonde and built like an outhouse of brick.
Where'er she appeared all the guys got their kicks,
As she danced 'round the stage on her knees.

She'd smile towards the bar at the bozos,
And one night she smiled at old Earl.
He wink'd back at her and she shouted "Bravo,"
And he made her his number one girl.

(Chorus)
Now,
She lies in the dump like grated stale cheese,
Our darling young sister who did the strip tease.
Her movements were playful, all the boys she did please--
Now her ashes have been tossed away.

Her sister and brother were both so ashamed
And very hard tried to redeem their good name;
Marv said "She's a vamp; Jude said, "Worse--She's a tramp,
And I'm sure MTV is to blame."

Then their Flicka grew frail and much thinner,
Like a stork wearing feathers of red,
Then one night while high-kicking her Can-Can routine,
She kicked the bucket instead.

(Chorus)
Now,
She lies in the dump like grated stale cheese,
Our darling young sister who did the strip tease.
Her movements were playful, all the boys she did please--
Now her ashes have been tossed away.

"Her lesson now learned, and her body now burned,
Our poor sister's ashes to me were returned.
In a small ornate box I then had them en-urned
For Judy to ope' Christmas Day,"

Said Marvin. "Her box was real fancy.
How could I know its handle was cracked,
And Judy unwise to the contents it held
To the Wal-Mark had taken it back?

(Chorus)
Now,
She lies in the dump like grated stale cheese,
Our darling young sister who did the strip tease.
Her movements were playful, all the boys she did please--
Now her ashes have been tossed away.

The day after Christmas, they went to the Wal-
Mart to retrieve th' broken gift box and all,
But Customer Service did their poor hearts gall,
With, "Junk like that we throw away!"

So, quick-like and frantic and dressed to the nines,
Their sister's ash to retrieve,
They've both assumed poses most assinine
Down in the dump on their knees.

Now,
Her ashes can age like a fine cheddar cheese--
And our darling young sister's ordeal now will cease.
She'll rest on our mantle; if no one dare sneeze,
Then she'll never more be blown away.

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