Send Me Down To Santa's Chair by Clifton53


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E-E-E-E-EEK! The Elves Are Armed And Claus Is Wearing Kevlar! -- Santas will be feeling oh-so-secure from rowdy children at shopping malls this year, now that the Freeport Leisure company is employing personal bodyguards for their costumed St. Nicks at their six factory outlet sites. The company is also telling their red-clad employees to wear extra padding. A company spokesman told the Evening Gazette: "Last year Santa received a number of tugs and pulls from over-exuberant children, which led to him getting a bit roughed up." "And there was an incident at one of the centres last year where there was a bit more to it than that. So this year we have decided to give Santa a bit of extra protection." Tindi Sorber, group marketing manager for Freeport Leisure, said children would still be encouraged to tug Santa's beard as part of the Christmas tradition. "We don't mind a tug - in fact we encourage it. It's all part of the Christmas tradition. However, last year Santa reported the odd bruise, so we've heeded his call and left nothing to chance," he said.

Send Me Down To Santa's Chair by Clifton53
(Tune: Send Me To The 'Lectric Chair)

Well listen now Momma, I been bad
And don't deserve no Christmas toys
I like peekin' at the little girls
And beatin' up on the boys
And just last week, I stole some stuff
From that deli down the street
I been mouthin' off, and givin' guff, don't deserve no Christmas treat . . .

Now Moms, Moms, oh listen to me Moms
Send me down to Santa's chair
He got big 'ol goons with brass knuckles Moms,
Waitin' for me there
First they'll frisk me up and down
Then they'll grab me by the scruff
Then they'll plop me down in Santa's lap 'til the tears start runnin' off
Now Moms, Moms, I'm pleadin with you Moms
Send me down to Santa's chair

Well now Santa's scary, there is no doubt
And his henchmen they are heavily armed
Ain't no crap gonna float down there
He don't buy no childish charm
Last year you know I tugged on his beard
And he was not too pleased
And now he's ringed, with burly dudes, who'll knock you to your knees . . .

Yes Moms, Moms, oh I deserve it Moms
Send me down to Santa's chair
Ain't no more pinchin' Santa's cheek
Or catchin' him unaware
Now they ask you twenty questions
All the truths back in your past
And if you tell them lies my friend I tell ya' you won't last
So Moms, Moms, oh sweet Jesus Moms
Send me down to Santa's chair

Well since I last saw Santa, I been real good
Got my halo cleaned and pressed
No more trouble in the neighborhood
Ain't give nobody no stress
Since Santa's helpers, straightened me out
I been one good little boy
It's better yes, to act so nice, and spread a little bit of joy . . .

Thank You Moms, Moms, I'm so happy Moms
Since you sent me down to Santa's chair
I hope my angelic qualities
Ain't too much for you to bear
Well Santa he plain told me
If I didn't act just right
That his boys would come and visit in the middle of the night
So Moms, Moms, it worked on me now Moms
You sent me down to Santa's chair