SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   Beelzebub Bytes!   Forget about viruses and malicious hackers; the real threat these days is far more insidious. Your home computer may have the Devil in its data, say Reverend Jim Peasboro of Georgia. "... the Computer Age has ... opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and corrupt men's souls."   Rev. Jim says he became aware of the problem from counseling churchgoers. "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a dark force whenever they used their computers," ... "Decent, happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic Web sites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations."  "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing language they would never use normally," he declared ... One woman ... confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.'"   The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the parishioner's computer himself. To his horror, an artificial-intelligence program started spontaneously. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he said. Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook.   "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" The minister estimates that one in ten computers in America now hosts some type of evil spirit. The Reverend advises anyone suspecting that their computer is possessed to consult a clergyman, or, if the computer is still under warranty, to take it in for servicing. "   Technicians can replace the hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently," he says.   However, there is some good news -- Only a PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil spirit, the minister explained.


Screwtape's New Strategy by Bradypus

Bradypus' Comments:  So much good stuff here already. For my offering, never mind the quality, feel the length.   If you don't know Screwtape and Our Lord Below, I'm sure you'll pick up quickly enough. If you know Screwtape, I hope you'll agree this would be his sort of thing.   Don't have a tune, unfortunately - it came to me as a sort of rap - but if anyone has any suggestions ... 

Screwtape said to his demons one day

Now listen close to what I've got to say.

Our Lord Below isn't pleased, I fear

Our quota of souls has gone up for next year.

The old ways won't be fast enough

So new technology's the only stuff

Computers now is where it's at

An opportunity for us, so we can wax fat

Just get yourself in your victim's PC

And use that new technology

The computers may be new, but the sins are the same

And we'll soon get good at this computer game

Now Anger's an easy sin to induce

And to make this work here are my views

Just find an important file or two

And corrupt their contents – that will do

Your victim gets angry, and you can grin

That's the first computing deadly sin

If it's Sloth you want, then you've got the tools

Bill Gates provides to all these PC fools

There are games like Solitaire and Freecell too

Get them hooked on those, that's all you've got to do

They'll soon be playing 'just one more game'

While producing nothing – and we're to blame!

For Lust, get your victim on the Internet

It's the best for Lust that's been invented yet

No matter where he goes, in a couple of clicks

You can have him viewing unsuitable pics

Or spam his e-mail to send him links

And encourage his habit, whatever he thinks

For Envy and Pride the recipe's the same

There's plenty of scope in this computer game

For someone or other has a flatter screen

Or a faster cpu, that will turn them green

For Pride set up your victim well

With more ram, fast modem– then with pride he'll swell.

Gluttony is not an easy sin to try

In the PC world – but no need to cry

Though the chips need salt, there are mega bytes

Memory greedy apps will put our world to rights

And as long as we can still inspire greed

For Our Lord Below we'll get the souls we need

For Avarice I've got an excellent plan

To tempt even the most upright man

Just use lots of words beginning with 'e' –

e-commerce, e-startup – then we'll grin with glee

As he reads of others making profits obscene

His love of money means we've got him clean

So you see my plan for this PC age

The new methods of war we'll wage

The methods may be new, but the sins are the same

Seven ways we'll catch them in this PC game

And Our Lord Below with joy will smile

And maybe be pleased with us – for a while!

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