The Santa Tank Song by Rollo


The Mudcat Forum	The Mudcat Resource Pages	The Mudcat Midi Page	The Digital Tradition Folk Song Server
Back to The Mudcat Songbook		Back to The Song Challenge Winners!
Anyone is welcome to perform these songs in public without royalties; however, if any of them are recorded or published for profit, the writers/composers expect the usual royalties.

E-E-E-E-EEK! The Elves Are Armed And Claus Is Wearing Kevlar! -- Santas will be feeling oh-so-secure from rowdy children at shopping malls this year, now that the Freeport Leisure company is employing personal bodyguards for their costumed St. Nicks at their six factory outlet sites. The company is also telling their red-clad employees to wear extra padding. A company spokesman told the Evening Gazette: "Last year Santa received a number of tugs and pulls from over-exuberant children, which led to him getting a bit roughed up." "And there was an incident at one of the centres last year where there was a bit more to it than that. So this year we have decided to give Santa a bit of extra protection." Tindi Sorber, group marketing manager for Freeport Leisure, said children would still be encouraged to tug Santa's beard as part of the Christmas tradition. "We don't mind a tug - in fact we encourage it. It's all part of the Christmas tradition. However, last year Santa reported the odd bruise, so we've heeded his call and left nothing to chance," he said.

The Santa Tank Song by Rollo
(To the tune of "Sam Hall")

Rollo's Comments: Having played Santa once, I know exactly how he must have felt . . . Imagine children pulling the beard, expecting the rubber band going "twaing", but being shocked instead by Santa Claus shouting, "AAAARGH that hurts -- let go yer little bastard, let go!"

Oh my Name is Santa Claus, Chimney climb, Chimney climb
Oh my Name is Santa Claus, Chimney climb
Through your chimney I do fall, And I hate you one and all,
You're a bunch of muckers all,
Blast your eyes, damn your souls,
Youre a bunch of muckers all, blast your eyes!

As I landed on the roof, with my sleigh, with my sleigh
As I landed on the roof, with my sleigh
As I landed on the roof, not a noise made rudolf's hoof,
Climbing down I made my way, through the soot, through the soot,
climbing down I made my way through the soot

In the fireplace I got trapped, thats no joke, thats no joke,
in the fireplace I got trapped, that's no joke!
In the fireplace I got trapped, in a sling the kids had set,
My poor stomach they did poke, pushed my nose, pulled my beard
My poor stomach they did poke, pulled my beard!

Modern children are so bad, little devils, monsters all!
Modern children are so bad, monsters all!
Modern childen are so bad, they will surely drive me mad!
But this time I am prepared, blast their eyes, damn their soul,
But this time I am prepared, damn their soul!

Twelve marines to pull the sleigh with armoured sides of shining steel,
Twelve marines to pull the sleigh with sides of steel!
twelve marines to pull the sleigh, Hut! hut! Hut! on christmas eve,
And a grenade down the tube, clears the way, clears the way,
and a grenade down the tube clears the way!