SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   The Case of the Crazed Cookie Crusher -- (Yardley, Pennsylvania) For three years the managers in the three supermarkets kept finding shelves of crumbled cookies and smashed loaves of bread.  A cookie company finally installed a hidden camera turned on the cookie aisle at a Giant supermarket.  That led to the arrest and conviction of Samuel Feldman, 37, on charges of disorderly conduct and criminal mischief, and a fine of $1,000.  Both prosecutors and defense attorneys appeared in court with bags of sweet-smelling evidence. The prosecution with bruised buns and crushed cookies, and the defense with unmangled goodies used to demonstrate their client's squeezing technique.  Although Mr. Feldman claimed his innocence, saying 'I squeeze bread when I go to the store, but I don't get arrested for it," the judge said that the 18-hour videotape clearly showed Feldman "manipulating bread and cookies" and "acting suspiciously around the baked goods."  A local reporter commented that the videotape showed Mr. Feldman waiting until his wife's back was turned, and only then would he begin bashing the bread.  "He apparently loved to stick his thumbs in the middle of the fruit-filled cookies.  The impressions were so distinct, the police were able to use them to lift his fingerprints."   Judge Heckler has postponed the sentencing hearing to give Mr. Feldman, who now lives in Las Vegas, time to find "a mental health professional who is familiar with bread-related compulsive behavior."  Meanwhile, the bread and cookie distributors still want their dough, and are planning to sue Mr. Feldman in civil court to recover $8,000, the amount of baked goods they claim that he vandalized over the three year period.

Sam The Bun by Catrin

Sam's gone shopping, it's time for his tea
He wonders through the aisles to see what he can see
Bread and cakes and biscuits are fine for you and me
But Sam has got a passion, he cannot let them be

Chorus:
Squeeze Sam squeeze
That icing feels so sticky
Squeeze Sam Squeeze
It's better than a quicky
Squeeze Sam squeeze
Your wife has turned away
Grab a feel of warm soft cake
You've got the hots today

Sam's wife she hollers from till twenty-three
Its 'come along now Sam, wherever can you be?'
'What a cheek you've got, acting like you're free?
Stand up straight and look sharp and carry the bags for me!

Chorus

Sam he dreams of currant buns, of pastry and of cakes
Of cinnamon spice (and all things nice), and the pleasure a biscuit makes
But once he thinks of cream cakes, he smiles a lustful smile
He can't wait 'til the next time he's alone with his aisle

Chorus

Sam he had been this way for a year or maybe three
He thought them unsuspecting, that 'no-one notices me'
But little did he realise, the cameras were in store
They'd captured him in action on aisle forty-four.

Chorus

Sam's passion is all wasted, it's not the same, not now.
His love affair with beloved buns, it's all gone stale somehow.
His wife can't understand him, the neighbours laugh and jeer.
They show the film of his passions at his in-laws, once a year.

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