SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

Naughty Naturalists Nabbed in Night-Vision Nasty –– A couple at a lakeland holiday park were caught naked on cameras meant to monitor the movements of badgers.  The pair ventured into the snowy woods at the Oasis Village, near Penrith in Cumbria.  Their romp was beamed into every hotel bedroom on a special channel trained on the badger set.  The night-vision camera caught the couple in the early hours of the morning. The woman kept her bobble hat on, reports the News of the World.  The pair stopped when they heard a sound and quickly put their clothes on before being chased by a security guard with a torch.  The identity of the couple has not been revealed.


The Pursuit Of The Charmer Michael Hayes by derrymacash
(A parody of "The Pursuit of Farmer Michael Hayes" from "After The Break", which presumes that Michael Hayes is transplanted to England. And rather than being a farmer, he is instead – Oh I'll let the song speak for itself!)

I am a bold undaunted fox, that's never once been trapped or caught
I've sowed my oats all over unbeknownst to my good wife
Until of late I was betrayed, by a bobble-hatted blade
And then I fled, so's to evade, a stabbing with a knife

From Penrith Town to Windermere, in the Lakes I sought to disappear
From there across the Pennines, in Whitby I did hide
And then I took a steer due south, and crossed across the Humber's mouth
(And remarked how many Mudcatters in Hull there do reside!

We had a session in the Jug, I hardly dared to show my mug
But at singing and the music I'm blessed with a little skill
And dancin', aye and telling tales, and drinking gallons of real ale
But off I've got to go again, she's closin' for the kill)

Through the Midlands, like a hare, then on to Wales I did repair
In Bristol Town I rested, I slept just like a log
But up at dawn replete with rest, I journeyed to the south-and-west
But all the while she tailed me, like a hunting-dog

I had a surf off Newquay Beach (Ireland was just out of reach
Or else I would have drifted to the land across the pond)
And heading east I passed Stonehenge, and all the while she sought revenge
She'd never give up on her chase, be it never mind how long

In London Town I made a vow, no matter what, no matter how
My fugitive existence would have to terminate
I'd face the one to whom I'm wed, her sweet forgiveness I would beg
And so it was by Tower Bridge I did await my fate

"Michael Hayes, you're full of lies; tricks and cons and alibis
The day I walked the aisle for you, is a day I sore regret"
And out she pulled a knitting pin, she found my heart and plunged it in
And I sank to the footpath and haven't got up yet

There was great contentment on her face, as she walked from my resting-place
The glow of satisfaction burned for many days
This gory death that she's achieved has left her feeling much relieved
To cause the termination of the charmer Michael Hayes

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