Poop On His Shoe by Sigurd


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Punter Shop Pilferer Put In Pokey By Poo On Shoe -- SYDNEY (Reuters) - A glob of dog excrement on a Queensland robber's shoe has been used as evidence to identify him, landing him with a 10-year stretch for a betting shop hold-up on Australia's Gold Coast. Police said Thursday they had used enhanced photos from a security camera to match the pattern of excrement found at the crime scene to that on 26-year-old Jacob Smith's shoe. "It's not rocket science. It's as plain as poo on your shoe," police sergeant Alan Piper, a veteran scientific officer, was quoted by local media as saying. "It could have been one of a thousand or ten thousand shoes, but because that poo was there it was creating a great big feature that allowed us to go to a positive identification." "I'd say there has been some more poo on the shoe but it has worn away," said Piper, who admitted to also doing a smell test. Smith, who had wrapped a sheet around his face to hide his identity during the heist, was jailed in June for 10 years and 10 months on charges of robbery, being armed and in company and unlawful use of a motor vehicle.

Poop On His Shoe by Sigurd
(To the Tune of 'Sloop John B')

We came on the poop you see
The detective and me
Down at the scene of the crime, the betting house heist
He has to admit, that he stepped in it
The lab reports in, the robber was he.

So call out your warrant men, haul him away to the pen
Send for the courthouse judge and take him from home
He gets his free phone
At his lawyer to moan . . .
The lab reports in, the robber was he.

Bailiff broke the news,
Told the press our clues
"Pilferer Put In Pokey By Poo On (his) Shoe"
He stepped in that stink
Now he's in the clink
The solution was most Aliment'ry

So call out your warrant men, haul him away to the pen
Send for the courthouse judge and take him from home
Take him from home
No more can he roam
The solution was most Aliment'ry

For crimes that he has done,
One Hundred and Thirty Months
Bet he will miss his family, but not his dog
Is the prisoner clean,
Where have his shoes have been
The lab reports in, the robber was he.

© Bo Vandenberg 2002