Plumber's Little Helper by The Trolling Thrones (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)


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The Song Challenge: Here we go again, dear Challenge!rs -- In celebration (not!) of yet another bloody slab leak under my new house (ah, the fond memories of jackhammers come flooding back to me . . .), I've picked a story about love, relationships, money, law enforcement, and toilets. So, roll up your pant legs, sharpen your crayons, and unwind the TP to write your best song about -- The Love That Bites The Big One: Police in North Platte, Nebraska, have a case with bite. They were called to the home of a 55-year-old woman who dropped her false teeth in the toilet, after she had been partying and drinking with her boyfriend. The toilet backed up and the boyfriend called a plumber. The plumber charged $50 to retrieve the dentures, which the boyfriend paid. But the boyfriend refused to give the teeth to woman until he was paid back. That's where the cops come in. The woman called police, saying she didn't have the money and couldn't eat without her teeth. Police say they sat the two down and had the pair work out deal. She signed an IOU and he gave back the choppers.

Plumber's Little Helper by The Trolling Thrones (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)
(Tune: Mother's Little Helper)

What a drag it is getting old

"Teeth taste different today,"
Is what I hear her say
Mother needs something to keep her dentures on
And when she got rather ill
Her dentures took a spill

She goes running in a swelter
For a plumber's little helper
And she tries to get her teeth
But they won't taste too sweet

"Food tastes different today,"
Is what I hear her say
Eating fresh food without dentures is a drag
So she buys a Slimfast shake
And puree's her frozen steak

And goes running in a swelter
For a plumber's little helper
And she's plunging it inside
But the teeth won't start to rise

Plumber, Hello
Don't want Jello
Inside the John
My teeth are gone
What a drag it is getting old

"Men just aren't the same today
Is what I hear her say
They just won't loan you money in a pinch
Now he's keeping all my teeth
And he won't give an inch

And goes running in a swelter
For a plumber's little helper
And with no teeth tonight
There's gonna be a fight

Plumber please
I'm on my knees
What can I do
They're in the loo
What a drag it is getting old

"Toilet's way too clogged today,"
Is what I hear her say
A pro is what we need to get them out
So a plumber did his job
And she popped 'em her gob

No more running in a swelter
To her plumber's little helper
He just helped her get 'em out
And she put 'em in her mouth!