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The Song Challenge:   The Day That Saji's Sari Slipped and Baji's Bobbin Got Buffed . . . India's health minister has banned the use of condoms to lubricate bobbins used in weaving saris.  CP Thakur has told parliament sari makers are using condoms to speed up weaving because condom lubricant was also good at stopping yarn from snapping.    Mr. Thakur claims the use of so many condoms in the sari industry is affecting India's population control programme.    "Instructions have been issued to stop this practice," Mr Thakur said.  Mr Thakur says the use of condoms in weaving is causing shortages and instances of unscrupulous government health workers meant to distribute free condoms to contain population instead selling the condoms to sari makers.  Workers rub the condoms on bobbins while they make their brocade saris.   The industry is using an estimated half a million condoms every day.   Each of the 125,000 looms in the city of Varanasi uses an average four condoms per day.   It takes nearly 15 condoms to produce one Benarasi sari. The lubricant on the condom smoothens the bobbin and makes it move faster between threads..


Pinch Me! I'm Dreamin' by derrymacash
(To the tune "Larry O'Gaff" as used for the song "Humours of Whisky")

Pinch me! I'm dreamin', or maybe I'm steamin'
Perhaps the world's schemin' to drive me astray
I'm taken aback, I'm losing all track
I just cannot hack this oul' world of today
My bliss was complete, I'd the world at me feet
All was tidy and neat in my view of the world
But now I'm afeard, I am rending my beard
As a vision so weird before me unfurls

They say that near Delhi, they use KY jelly
(Not flavoured, not smelly) to weave and to spin (66)
And in some far-off places, they cover their faces
Until the groom places the gold wedding-ring (4)
You can buy pigs or sheep, be they pricey or cheap
Without standing knee-deep in mire and cow-shit (6)
And if you're prepared for your arse to be bared
Then you'll get, so I've heard, a brand new outfit (13)

You may break Lent, with the bishops' consent
And make an event of Saint Patrick's oul' feast (15)
And religious observers, Oh Heaven preserve us!
Believe that fileservers, play host to The Beast (18)
And, inclining to roam, it would seem garden gnomes
Are wanderin' from home to exotic resorts (25)
And I near had a fit, at some eejits who spit
Little gobfuls of shit in a contest of sorts (30)

A poor craythur who, wound up stuck in a loo
Was left black-and-blue from his hour-long ordeal (31)
And a mermaid who lured men-folk to her fjord
Was � alas! - no song-bird, I am sad to reveal (32)
Unkindly relations, after cremation
Oh � humiliation! � treat ashes like trash (33)
And blind fans of strippers, hoped they might get their grippers
On bumbles and nipples, but had their hopes dashed (41)

A pig on a plane caused some to complain
But their pleas were in vain, it just farted and stank (44)
And what a surprise, before nautical eyes
A cow fell from the skies, hit a boat and it sank (49)
The world's gone buck-mad, and by Christ I am glad
That there's nothing so bad where I choose to reside
I'm barrin' the door, the world I'll ignore
Never no more will I venture outside

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