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SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!
The Song Challenge: An Official Double
Dip Dare . . . -- Dare One: When This Pig Gets Pumped . . . -- A
pot-bellied pig sank his teeth into the leg of a burglar who was trying to rob his owner. Arnold, who weighs 21
stone, also stopped a burglar from getting into a neighbour's house by biting him.
The animal has become a celebrity among police officers in his home town of Minneapolis.
Arnold first showed his crime fighting abilities when his owner Becky Moyer spotted burglars
in her garage. She told the Star Tribune: "There were two guys in there.
One of them put something in my back that felt like a gun, and they said they wanted my
purse. I said my purse was in the house. When we went in, I screamed
for Arnold, and he got up and grabbed the guy by the leg. He yelled, 'There's a
pig in here!' and ran. There was blood all over." She added: "The
police gave him that 'crime-fighter' name. When they're in the neighbourhood,
they like to stop by and pet him." Arnold was a present from her boyfriend.
"Some people get lingerie," she said. "I got a pig." Dare Two: . . .
The Police Get Pissed . . . -- A Florida policeman who caught
a trouble-making pig after a 300-yard chase had to call for back-up to help him keep it
under 'arrest'. Ocala officer Carl Dunlap managed to hold on to the 14-stone
pig's ears and hind legs but said he was afraid the pig would wriggle free.
Three fellow officers arrived on the scene and managed to herd it on to a trailer.
Residents had complained the pig had been destroying property. "He spotted the
hog, chased him for about 300 yards and finally was able to wrestle him to the ground,'' said
Captain Robert Douglas, who heard his shouts for help over the radio. Minutes
later, Captain Douglas, Captain Mike Deen and Deputy John Shivley arrived on the scene to
help Dunlap end the struggle. "The first thing Dunlap said was that he sure was
glad we showed up because he really didn't know how much longer he was going to be able
to hold on," Captain Douglas said. The four men loaded the pig on to a trailer
and took it to Marion County Animal Control buildings, where officials placed the pig in
a dog pen.
The Pig That Ate My Da by derrymacash
(It's to the tune of "The Golden Wedding")
derrymacash's Comments: KimC's little snippet about the "homovore"
tendencies of pigs has (perhaps unfortunately) sparked off this latest creation . . .
God help us all!!
Way down in the County Kerry
Near a place they call Tralee
My da lived in a cottage
Which overlooked the sea
For all his life he'd struggled
He'd all his life been poor
So to supplement his income
He reared himself a boar
CHORUS:
He was big and fat and hairy
He weighed near half a ton
He'd eat from dawning of the day
Till setting of the sun
But I'll have his balls for breakfast
This time he's gone too far
At twenty past I'll break my fast
On the pig that ate my da
I'd come down off the mountain
To have a spree in town
In my jacket pocket
I had seven hundred pounds
I started drinking Friday
The weekend came and went
Monday found me trudging home
With all my money spent
CHORUS
When I came up the pathway
I sensed something was awry
No smoke leaked from the chimney
To stain the wintry sky
I upped my pace and sprinted
I screamed out in surprise
Nothing could have readied me
For the sight that met my eyes
CHORUS
The piggy he was banished
Into his piggy stye
From whence he contemplated me
With his pink and piggy eye
As I wept bitter tears above
The bones of my dear sire
Stripped of flesh and sinew
By that lover of the mire
CHORUS
"What's your mitigation?"
The piggy then replied
"You hadn't long gone down the road
When your poor oul' father died
As the hunger it came over me
I knew there'd be no swill
Your dad looked appetising
I soon devoured my fill"
CHORUS
It gave me satisfaction
To watch that piggy fret
As I dialled up the number
Of the local village vet
The despatch was quick and painless
The butchery complete
I'll breakfast on his rashers
And I'll dine on his boiled feet!
CHORUS