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The Song Challenge:   When Pigs Fly OR Never Say Never Again (Philadelphia PA) In a bizarre episode that rattled flight attendants and embarrassed airline officials, a 300-pound pig was put in the first-class cabin of a US Airways Boeing 757 and flown with 200 other passengers on a nonstop six-hour flight across the country from Philadelphia to Seattle. All went well, for most of the flight.  Somehow, the pig's owners, described as two women, one in her 30s, the other a senior citizen, convinced the airline that it was a "therapeutic companion pet," like a guide dog for the blind.  "I guess it was supposed to be a Seeing Eye pig," a witness aboard the flight said. "Frankly, I couldn't tell what kind of therapeutic service it was providing. All I know is, it was ugly, and it pooped."  A chagrined airline spokesman provided few details. "We can confirm that the pig traveled, and we can confirm that it will never happen again," US Airways spokesman David Castelveter said. "Let me stress that. It will never happen again."  An internal report said the owners said they had a doctor's note that required them to fly with the animal, and that they described pig as weighing only 13 pounds, so based on this info, authorization was given," the report said. Witnesses said the pig's owners exhibited no obvious impairments.  "I'd estimate 300 pounds," one source aboard the flight said. "It took four people to wheel it in, past security and to the gate. And they were struggling."  Though flight attendants objected, the pig was cleared for takeoff and seated on the floor, in the first row of first class. It was so big, much of its bulk extended into the aisle, according to the report.  "It didn't smell; it was a clean pig," a witness on the flight said. "It slept almost the whole time."  Few passengers complained. It wasn't till the aircraft taxied into Seattle that the pig wreaked havoc.  Squealing loudly, it ran loose through the aircraft and tried to enter the cockpit. It finally found refuge in the food galley, where it refused to budge.  Finally, the pig was lured from the galley with food.  Then, the owners -- struggling to control the pig -- dragged it out of the aircraft and into the Jetway.  That's where it left its mess.  "Another passenger on the flight advised pig owner that she picked up her pig's feces and she was not happy about that," the report stated.  "Once the pig was off aircraft, another passenger had to push while the two women pulled to get it in the elevator. "The whole time, the pig was squealing so loudly everyone in the terminal heard it."  Federal Aviation Administration officials in Seattle said they were unfamiliar with the incident, but said they would investigate.


The Pig That Never Returned by zonahobo

zonahobo's Comments:  US Airways . . . "We can take you places" but we may not let you come back!  (we can guess the parody this parodies)

They stood in line, at the Philadelphia airport, a grandma with a real cute lass
Coach tickets to Seatlle, was all booked solid, so they had to fly first class
But Grandma couldn't fly, without her traveling companion, but it only took a little twist
Of the rules of flight, for US Airways, and boy was that old airline pissed

(Chorus)
Did it ever return, no it never returned, and its fate is still unlearned
Its round-trip ticket, was replaced by one-way, it's the pig that never returned

The aircrew learned, Grandma's therapy companion, weighed a little past her poundage fib
Instead of 13 pounds, of canine comfort, it was three hundred pounds of pig
Since the papers said approved, and the lass seemed friendly, the air crew let the porker aboard
Then the 757, rumbled on down the runway, and into the sky pig soared

All through the flight, the pig slept soundly, but he missed the in-flight meal
Then the plane landed hot, as it's tires touched the runway, you should of heard those firestones squeal
The porker leapt up, nearly three full inches, his grunting both loud and shrill
Mistaking the tires, for Grandma's Hog calling, old porky went to get his fill

He bolted to the front, then he spun at the cockpit, building up a little more steam
Running straight for the galley, where those meal leftovers, were piled up like a piggy's dream
Well they pushed and shoved, then they offered in-flight peanuts, and tricked ol porky out the door
But he stopped in the gangway, cutting loose with afterburners, just to even up the score

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