SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

No Room On The Xerox For Virgin Berths -- Bosses at Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Mobile scuppered plans to have photocopiers at their Christmas party so staff could scan their bottoms.  The idea was to recreate a television advertisement for the firm featuring former All Saints star Melanie Blatt, in which she does the same.  But the stunt was dropped after the company's legal advisers stepped in and ruled it unsafe.  More than 1,000 Virgin Mobile employees attended the firm's Christmas party on Tuesday at a nightclub in the Wiltshire town of Trowbridge.  It featured performances from the pop group Liberty and DJ Boy George.  A spokeswoman for the firm said she had heard about the idea to install reinforced photocopiers in the club as a gag after the success of the advertisement.  She said she understood it had come from someone else in their communications department, but was rejected by legal experts.  "Somebody had been talking about it early on, but it wouldn't have been allowed for legal reasons," the spokeswoman said. "It's unfortunate because it would be a good laugh."  And it appears that the ban-the-bums barristers might have an ally in the form of Officials at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, who say workers risk cutting themselves on broken copier glass.  They say the Virgin mobile phone ad of Melanie Blatt photocopying her backside is "daft and irresponsible".  Spokesman Roger Vincent is warning office workers not to be tempted to make photocopied backsides "this year's festive trend".  He told The Sun: "Inhibitions are loosened after a few drinks and people show off. We don't want copying backsides to become this year's festive trend.  "Someone could find themselves in a hospital casualty ward this Christmas instead of at home with their families.  "Sitting on a photocopier is very dangerous. We don't want to be killjoys but advise people to stick to good old-fashioned mistletoe."


The Picture of Dorian Gray's Backside by derrymacash

derrymacash's Comments:  On my way into work every morning I pass a statue of Oscar Wilde. I read McGrath's link. The two combined and sparked off the following ditty.

In the world's mighty gall'ry of pictures
Hang scenes that are painted from life
There's pictures of joy and of sorrow
There's pictures of peace and of strife
There's pictures of youth and of beauty
Old age and the blushing young bride
All hang on the wall, but the saddest of all
Is the picture of Dorian Gray's backside

CHORUS:
It's a picture of Dorian Gray's backside
All wrinkled and flabby and grey
Not perky nor carried with pride
But saggy and hairy they say
It's kept under wraps in a garret
Hidden from eyes that might pry
No joy to behold, it is aged and old
The picture of Dorian Gray's backside

It was late of a Christmas evening
To a party I had an invite
There was nibbling and chatting and drinking
I drank, had a chat, ate a bite
Then noticed the sudden grand entrance
Of that rake, the famed Dorian Gray
It was clear he'd had many's the tipple
From his wobble and topple and sway

CHORUS

He mingled and blathered and swaggered
Then I saw Mr G disappear
I followed him down to the basement
Where the cad photocopied his rear!
And then, to both our amazement
We heard a disembodied voice
"You may leave now, me boul' young Dorian
Or stay – I give you a choice!"

CHORUS

"I know you are proud of your buttocks"
The genie continued "And so
I'll allow them to be preserv-ed
From this point, no older they'll grow
Hang this photograph up in your attic
And as the years advance
Pert will remain the posterior part
That's shielded from view in your pants"

CHORUS

And lo the decades roll onwards
And time our vanity mocks
Dorian's face bears many the trace
Of the beating of the clock
But though his oul' body is ravaged
By the cruel assault of the years
Still pert and perky and handsome
Is Dorian's well-preserved rear

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