SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   When Pigs Fly OR Never Say Never Again (Philadelphia PA) In a bizarre episode that rattled flight attendants and embarrassed airline officials, a 300-pound pig was put in the first-class cabin of a US Airways Boeing 757 and flown with 200 other passengers on a nonstop six-hour flight across the country from Philadelphia to Seattle. All went well, for most of the flight.  Somehow, the pig's owners, described as two women, one in her 30s, the other a senior citizen, convinced the airline that it was a "therapeutic companion pet," like a guide dog for the blind.  "I guess it was supposed to be a Seeing Eye pig," a witness aboard the flight said. "Frankly, I couldn't tell what kind of therapeutic service it was providing. All I know is, it was ugly, and it pooped."  A chagrined airline spokesman provided few details. "We can confirm that the pig traveled, and we can confirm that it will never happen again," US Airways spokesman David Castelveter said. "Let me stress that. It will never happen again."  An internal report said the owners said they had a doctor's note that required them to fly with the animal, and that they described pig as weighing only 13 pounds, so based on this info, authorization was given," the report said. Witnesses said the pig's owners exhibited no obvious impairments.  "I'd estimate 300 pounds," one source aboard the flight said. "It took four people to wheel it in, past security and to the gate. And they were struggling."  Though flight attendants objected, the pig was cleared for takeoff and seated on the floor, in the first row of first class. It was so big, much of its bulk extended into the aisle, according to the report.  "It didn't smell; it was a clean pig," a witness on the flight said. "It slept almost the whole time."  Few passengers complained. It wasn't till the aircraft taxied into Seattle that the pig wreaked havoc.  Squealing loudly, it ran loose through the aircraft and tried to enter the cockpit. It finally found refuge in the food galley, where it refused to budge.  Finally, the pig was lured from the galley with food.  Then, the owners -- struggling to control the pig -- dragged it out of the aircraft and into the Jetway.  That's where it left its mess.  "Another passenger on the flight advised pig owner that she picked up her pig's feces and she was not happy about that," the report stated.  "Once the pig was off aircraft, another passenger had to push while the two women pulled to get it in the elevator. "The whole time, the pig was squealing so loudly everyone in the terminal heard it."  Federal Aviation Administration officials in Seattle said they were unfamiliar with the incident, but said they would investigate.


The Pennsylvania Porker by SharonA
(Tune: "The Pennsylvania Polka")

SharonA's Comments: As a lifelong resident of Pennsylvania, I feel it is my right � nay, my DUTY � to compose a tender ballad telling the plight of this poor, put-upon porcine Pennsylvanian (Charlotte the pig, that is!), set to the tune of one of the Commonwealth's most stirring anthems . . .


Fly up there, snoozing, your jet trip's begun
(oink, oink, oink, oink) The Pennsylvania Porker
Stick out your butt, block the aisle with your bun
(oink, oink, oink, oink) The Pennsylvania Porker
You started at 13 pounds, now you're a ton
(oink, oink, oink, oink) Nobody can restrain ya
Larger than the Lusitania, you little porker from Pennsylvania

(Porkey change)

While they're flying, ev'rybody's scared of pigly brawn,
Sheet-white, crying... This goes on and on, and still you yawn..
They're so wary, saying you might crap and you might flee
And slop their in-flight beer.
Then your owners start to jeer.
They hiss � and then �
The plane starts to descend.

(Porker time! Wheee... wheee... wheee... wheee...)

Touch-down's confusing, your good nature's done
(squeal, squeal, squeal, squeal) The Pennsylvania Porker
Kick out the cockpit door, turn tail and run
(squeal, squeal, squeal, squeal) The Pennsylvania Porker
You fart and you shoot Number Two like a gun
(squeal, squeal, squeal, squeal) Did no one potty-train ya?
These cross-country flights can drain ya, so says the porker from Pennsylvania.
Ev'ryone on earth is pray'n' ya stay grounded, porker from Pennsylvania!

Back to Top