Patrick Wright's Ferret by McGrath of Harlow


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The Challenge: From a recent National Public Radio show segment: Mr. Patrick Wright is serving time in the George F. Bailey Detention Facility in Otay Mesa, California for brandishing a knife at police and for illegal possession of ferrets. In California, unlike most states in the U.S., keeping ferrets as pets is illegal. He picked up the knife when the police burst through his door during a raid to take possession of his four pet ferrets. "I like to believe I live in a free country . . . in California . . . it's like we're dealing with Stalin . . . it's completely un-American," says Mr. Wright. His fellow inmates in the county jail at first didn't believe he'd been arrested for ferret possession. However, after they'd seen his picture in the local newspaper, they began calling him 'Ferretman'. He told the court that he is sorry about the knife incident, but still defends his right to keep ferrets. The appeal of ferrets he says, '. . . they're like little clowns . . . they're Prozac with legs." The Challenge is to write a song welcoming Mr. Wright home from the county jail and/or defending his right to keep ferrets!

Patrick Wright's Ferret by McGrath of Harlow

McGrath's Comments: So the constitution doesn't recognise the right to bear ferrets? If it had been a dog or a cat you know, it wouldn't be seen as funny. (Or Nell Flaherty's Drake could be rewritten for the occasion.)

They were sweet little creatures,
when they weren't trying to eat you,
as Quentin once said of the folk of New York.
They were safer than houses,
sure, they were safe in me trousers -
when the time came around for to go for a walk.

But the police came a calling
with shouting and bawling
to steal me ferrets, with no reason or rhyme.
In this country a rifle
is only a trifle
but it seems that a ferret is some kind of crime.

So Pat pulled out his knife
to protect his pets' life
but they soon overpowered him and took him away
and when he came out of prison
his ferrets were missing -
in this land of the free and this home of the brave.

And if this land was your land
and this land was my land
then there's something gone wrong, it's been stolen away.
But be warned, California,
now me ferrets are gone - ya'll
be under my curse, till the Great Judgement Day.