Par-Um-Pum-Pum by derrymacash


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Anyone is welcome to perform these songs in public without royalties; however, if any of them are recorded or published for profit, the writers/composers expect the usual royalties.

E-E-E-E-EEK! The Elves Are Armed And Claus Is Wearing Kevlar! -- Santas will be feeling oh-so-secure from rowdy children at shopping malls this year, now that the Freeport Leisure company is employing personal bodyguards for their costumed St. Nicks at their six factory outlet sites. The company is also telling their red-clad employees to wear extra padding. A company spokesman told the Evening Gazette: "Last year Santa received a number of tugs and pulls from over-exuberant children, which led to him getting a bit roughed up." "And there was an incident at one of the centres last year where there was a bit more to it than that. So this year we have decided to give Santa a bit of extra protection." Tindi Sorber, group marketing manager for Freeport Leisure, said children would still be encouraged to tug Santa's beard as part of the Christmas tradition. "We don't mind a tug - in fact we encourage it. It's all part of the Christmas tradition. However, last year Santa reported the odd bruise, so we've heeded his call and left nothing to chance," he said.

Par-Um-Pum-Pum by derrymacash
(To the tune of "The Little Drummer Boy")

Come they told me par-um-pum-pum
Some silly git to see par-um-pum-pum
An eejit and a twit par-um-pum-pum
And just as soft as shit par-um-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum rum-pum-pum-pum

He sat me on his knee par-um-pum-pum
Tried to cuddle me par-um-pum-pum
"Oi, cut it out" I said par-um-pum-pum
And smacked him in the head par-um-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum rum-pum-pum-pum

Then came security par-um-pum-pum
They were no match for me par-um-pum-pum
Picked them off one by one par-um-pum-pum
I had them on the run par-um-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum rum-pum-pum-pum

Police siren wail par-um-pum-pum
To cart me off to jail par-um-pum-pum
But watch those coppers flee par-um-pum-pum
Send in the military par-um-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum rum-pum-pum-pum

I overran those par-um-pum-pum
Crack commandos par-um-pum-pum
Hear them bleating par-um-pum-pum
As they're retreating par-um-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum rum-pum-pum-pum

Nuclear warhead par-um-pum-pum
Untold people dead par-um-pum-pum
But when the dust cleared par-um-pum-pum
I swung from Santa's beard par-um-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum rum-pum-pum-pum