SONG CHALLENGE WINNER!

The Song Challenge:   This Challenge! was sent in by Mudcatter Jeri a while back and should definitely be considered an "urban legend" (as in, don't believe everything you read *BG*).   TOKYO (AP) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a three way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is countersuing for defamation and loss of customers.  The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the carbon dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. A side effect of this has made the beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques.   Because hydrogen molecules are lighter than air, individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high voice, giving chic Tokyo urbanites the ability to sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer. The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become another selling point, even though the beer company has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate marketing ploy.  It has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one's mouth using a cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame contests take place in pubs everywhere.   "Mr Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to maximise the size of the flames he could belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire across the room that Gojira would be proud of, but this was not enough to win him first prize since the judgement is made on the quality of the flames and that of the singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly out of tune," said Mr Takashi Nomura, Manager of the Tike-Take bar.   Mr. Otoma apparently took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the judge, singeing the front of one customer's hair, entirely removing her eyebrows and lashes. When the club's security staff showed up, he turned his attentions to them, giving the head bouncer no choice but to tackle Mr Otoma, knocking his legs from under him.  Said the club's manager, "It was his own fault he had his mouth open for the next belch, his own fault he held a lighted cigarette in front of it and it is own fault he swallowed that cigarette . . . The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his oesophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding gases forced their way out of his body. His consequential muteness and loss of employment are his own fault."   Mr. Otoma was unavailable for comment.

Osaka Beer Inc. by Bradypus
(Tune: Lily The Pink)

Chorus:
O we'll drink, we'll drink, we'll drink
To Osaka Beer Inc, Beer Inc, Beer Inc
And we'll give a hearty cheer
They invented
The new Karaoke
With hydrogenated beer

In Japan
There's many a fan
Of the karaoke scene
The singing's freer
With Suiso brand beer
For it makes you feel serene

At Tike Take
The manager's whacky
And to pull the punters in
A competition
For karaoke rendition
High voice and flames will let you win

Mister Squeers
Was singing for years
But he didn't have much luck
Till he switched to
The beer that's called Suiso
Now he sounds like Donald Duck

Just drink a flagon
You'll feel like a dragon
Just one burp and there she blows
To make things brighter
Use a cigarette lighter
Watch the flames shoot out your nose

Mister Otama
Caused quite a drama
Fifteen bottles down the hatch
More and more
He's a human flame thrower
When ignited by a match

Fifteen lagers
Then looking daggers
He was high, but out of tune
So no prizes
For song and flame sizes 
He blew up like a balloon

Internal combustion
Caused quite a ruction
When he ate his cigarette
Third degree burns
Exploding in turns
And he drank more to forget

There's a moral -
The tributes were floral
By the grave where now he lies
Don't sing karaoke
In bars that are smoky
The risk isn't worth the prize!

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